Do You Misunderstand While Speaking the Same Language?


Have you ever noticed that people who speak the same language are often speaking a different language?

For example, there is preacher language. For normal people, “just five more minutes, please,” means five more minutes, 300 seconds. For your pastor, five more minutes means … well it could mean a lot of things, but be sure of one thing. It’s never less than five minutes.

When preachers speak we love to say, “In conclusion,” or “I’ve got to hurry.” Roughly interpreted that means, “If you believe that, I’ve got a bridge in Brooklyn I’d like to sell you.” People wake up when I say, “In conclusion.” It makes them so happy that I conclude a lot when I’m preaching. I like to make people happy.

I’ve also found that you can honestly say, “For my last point,” and keep going a long time. You don’t have to tell them that there are fifteen sub points under that last point. And after that there are some more conclusions. Continue reading

Five Strategies for Sleeping In Church Without Getting Caught

I’ve noted this before but I’ve often wondered why is it that when I preach, an hour seems like ten minutes and when someone else preaches, ten minutes seem like an hour.

Whatever the reason, it leads me to some gymnastics, especially when I’m tired. I sit quietly in my place, pushing up my eyelids as if they were 50-pound weights, trying to stay awake.

(Actually, the pastor is the only one who doesn’t appreciate you sleeping. Everyone else thinks it’s funny—with the possible exception of your wife.)

Do you have enough muscles in your eyelids to shove them open for 40 minutes? If not, here are some strategies for sleeping in church without getting caught. Continue reading