Spider War !

The other night I went into our bedroom and found an enormous spider lurking on the ceiling over our bed. This monster must have measured at least eight feet long and he was nearly as wide as he was long. His nasty fangs dripped venom and his eyes lusted with the desire to jump on me and rip my jugular vein from my body and feed it to his nasty baby spiders.

Okay, I will confess. Maybe he wasn’t that big and maybe that horrible look in his eight eyes was more like a deer caught in the headlights wondering how he was going to escape; but he really was big, as French spiders go. And there is one point in the above story that’s worth mentioning again: he was in my bedroom over my bed. It’s not like he was on the Discovery channel or something. My bedroom over my bed.

This called for action so I grabbed a magazine and with the courage of Tarzan going after a lion, I stepped up on the bed, aimed, swatted … and missed!

He fell onto the bed and scurried under my pillow. Once again the active word here is: “my”!  What to do? If I lifted the pillow and missed my swat, he’d streak off somewhere into the nooks and crannies of the bed and later maybe he would sneak out in the night and sink his hairy fangs into my sleeping neck.

(Just a word of warning to the squeamish, you might want to look away for a paragraph or two. This next part is rated “R” for violence if you’re a spider).

So, I thought quickly and mashed down on my pillow. I squashed and rolled it around to be sure to get him, if he was there. I did it well because when I lifted my pillow, all that was left was a pile of spider.

Of course he had the last laugh because I had spider juice on my pillow and on the sheet on my side of the bed. Actually, I doubt if he laughed because his mouth was probably crooked.

But,  I’ll have to admit, I slept uneasily that night and for a couple of nights afterward, wondering if he had family members lurking somewhere in our bedroom, itching to get revenge.

Why Bop Spiders?

I’m sure some of you are wondering why I killed him. “Oh, he was probably only a harmless Tasmanian Vampire Spider. They look mean but they won’t hurt you. You should have just grabbed him, then released him in the backyard. They’re wonderful for the eco-system.”

Great, next time I see one I’ll call for you. For me there is only one kind of spider. It’s called a “s-p-i-d-e-r” and if it gets close to me it’s dead.

My idea of spiders is similar to a young fellow, whose web name is Bubun who gave his definition of a spider on Yahoo! Answers.

“A spider is not an insect. It is an arachnid, which includes scorpions. All spiders are carnivores. The have fangs that come out of the mouth. Many species use poison to paralyze their victim. They inject the poison and turn the prey into a kind of soup which it sucks with its mouth, and discards the outer husk.”

Need I say more?

If I hadn’t assassinated my spider, bye bye sound sleep. I would have taken the bed apart to get him.

Spider Hunting

I wonder though, if we are as careful to kill dangerous spiders in our spiritual lives. Let me explain.

There are all kinds of venomous beasties that threaten us each day. Lust, pride, selfishness, inordinate desire for things, hatred of certain people or other races. The problem with these eight-legged spiritual enemies is that they hide behind masks.

They look cute, cuddly and desirable.

At work, it’s just flirting games that we play. It’s not serious, though we find ourselves thinking about that person when we’re home in the evening. Our wife (or our husband) sure seems tame compared to the electricity we feel when this other person is around.

“ Just a game, not real, spice in my life … though it’s funny, but I’m hesitant to share what the Lord Jesus has done in my life with my colleagues as long as I’m playing this game.”

And when we get close enough the spider drops his mask. The last thing we see are his venomous fangs sinking into us. Poisonous spider bites take a long time to heal. Some never do.

Others tinker with cheating to get ahead while others offer up family, friends and even their relationship with God to get what they want, only to find an eight-eyed adversary when they arrive.

Our temptations come in all shapes and forms. We swat at them half-heartedly, but honestly they’re so desirable that we often just keep them around to tickle our imagination–without really doing anything mind you.


And then, one day, the mask drops and “pow!” And what you thought you wanted is not nearly as good as what you had, or what you gave up to have the spider.

If you find yourself spider-bitten, why don’t you STOP! right there, ask God’s forgiveness, and quit trying to make an impossible situation work? Repent and get back in God’s plan for your life.

And if you’re playing with spiders, QUIT THAT! Squash them! Have no mercy because behind that mask, there is enough poison to ruin you life.

“The temptation to give in to evil comes from us and only us. We have no one to blame but the leering, seducing flare-up of our own lust. Lust gets pregnant, and has a baby: sin! Sin grows up to adulthood, and becomes a real killer.” (James 1:15, 16, The Message)

” … and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.” says the NIV.

It’s time for Christians to declare all-out war against spiders.



“In times of great change the learner inherits the earth, while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists.”—Eric Hoffer

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