If anybody was going to make it, it seems they would have.

In 1965 Sonny sang, “I got flowers in the spring I got you to wear my ring.” And Cher warbled back, “And when I’m sad, you’re a clown. And if I get scared, you’re always around…” Continue reading →

I used to read those verses about wives submitting to their husbands and I think I felt a bit intimidated. If my wife didn’t “obey” me was I less than a real man? Was I “ horror of horrors “ henpecked?

“Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” (Ephesians 5:22-24, NIV)

So my response as a young husband (because I really didn’t know what I was doing) was something like, “Me Tarzan! You Jane! Woman obey!”

Try that guys. Your wife will really like it.

I’ve been married nearly 39 years now and I don’t worry too much about it anymore, partially because my wife isn’t lippy, but also because I’ve got so many problems trying to obey the verses that come after it that I don’t have nearly as much time to worry about if she’s obeying her verses.

“Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church”a love marked by giving, not getting.” Ephesians 5: 29, The Message

Through the years, and with lots of chances to practice, I have noticed a few helpful principles in these verses in Ephesians five.

*The Bible doesn’t tell me to make her submit. Those submission verses are her responsibility. Part of Eugene Peterson’s rendering of Ephesians 5:22 says, “The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing.”

Whoa! That’s a whole different way of doing it.

*In the New Testament, The Bible doesn’t tell the wife to obey. Some of you just fainted in front of your computer screen. But look at the texts.

It says “submit.” Look it up. In Ephesians 5:22; Colossians 3:18; and 1 Peter 3:1 the texts use the word “submit.” “It’s the same thing,” you say. Then why did he tell children to “obey” their parents and slaves to “obey” their masters? (Col. 3:20, 22)

It’s a nuance, I know, but the word is different in Greek. The woman is neither a child nor a slave. Her obedience,– because Sarah did obey Abraham (1 Peter 3:6)– is voluntary. Maybe we could say that the Bible idea of submission is willful obedience.

*If I do my job, it’s ten times easier for her to do hers. She sees that I love her like Christ loves the Church, and that I’m giving up myself so that she can be happier. She knows that even if I make a mistake I do it because I think the decision I make will be best for her and for our family.

*If I’ve got half a brain, I’ll listen to her and take into account what she says. Maybe I’ll do as she thinks we should as often as I do what I think is best. She should be my most trusted counselor because she’s vitally implicated, with our children when they’re still at home, in all the decisions I make.

Hey young fellow. You don’t have to be macho to be the head of your household. Humble gets it better. Listening and reflecting leads better than shouting and demanding. Fear and intimidation never win love.

And if he’s stupid, what do you do ladies? Yell louder than him? Nope, you go into the bedroom and tell the Lord about it. He’s much more effective in communicating your point than you are.

And, with much respect, and a normal tone of voice, you try to talk to your husband when you think it’s important.

*If the husband loves an unsubmissive wife like Christ loves the Church, he’s still blessed by God. It’s her that loses the blessing. And if the wife submits to her husband like the Church submits to Christ, she receives the blessing of obedience that the Lord gives, whether the husband does his part or not. (Cases of repeated adultery, abuse or when the husband pushes her to do something against God’s Word, are different. Talk to your pastor or someone mature in the Lord for advice).

Sir, try to please God in all your ways. Keep a tender heart towards your wife and think how your decision will impact her. You’re married and you can no longer act as if all your decisions and actions only involve you.

Not even Tarzan’s monkey Chita, is impressed when you strut and bully. Love her like you love yourself. Et m’aam, I know he’s hard to take but if you can’t be submissive to him, do it because you love the Lord. The result is worth it.

Hmmm …
“Worry is backwards prayer.” Unknown

Normally, I avoid films where there’s a lot of singing.

With all kinds of excuses to my midwestern friends but “Oklahoma! Where the wind goes riding down the plains” is good for about two minutes. I’ve been to Oklahoma and the people don’t dance around and sing crazy songs like that (Unless they’re from Muskogee where “white lightnin’ is still the biggest thrill of all.”)

But there is one musical that I like. “Fiddler On the Roof”. It’s a story about a Jewish village in the time of the Czars of Russia. It features the family of a fellow called “Tevye”. Up until this time the papas of his world had always chosen husbands for their daughters and he has a houseful of daughters.

His daughters, though, have other ideas and they had fallen in love with guys that papa hadn’t chosen. So Tevye reflects on this with his wife Golda, then suddenly he bursts into song with, “Do you love me?” (People in musical movies are constantly bursting into songs instead of gunfights).

Shrill-voiced Golda is taken aback by the question. Their marriage had been arranged by their parents and they were practically strangers on their wedding day. “Do I love you?” she sings. “For twenty-five years I’ve washed your clothes, cooked your meals, cleaned your house, given you children, milked the cow.

“After twenty-five years, why talk about love right now?”

But at the end she allows that she supposes that she loves him. He brightens and sings that he supposes that he loves her too. (Song lyrics by Sheldon Harnick)

Now, if you gotta sing, that’s not too bad.

I think they understood being in love without naming it that. I’m ready to go to war with “falling in love.” I get the distinct feeling that a good part of the people who “fall in love” today are just having a hot flash. They “fall in love” for awhile then move on because, “I don’t love you anymore.”

This world has glorified “falling in love” so much that they can justify anything because “I fell in love.” And as I heard recently of the object of one woman’s adultery,  “And he’s a Christian too!” Oh, now I understand. (NOT!)

And they leave in their wake a husband or a wife with a dagger in his heart, children eaten by fear wondering what’s going to happen and Christian friends who ask themselves how they can remain faithful when assailed by temptation if that person couldn’t stay faithful. Add to that group people who don’t know Christ who turn away and say, “They said that Jesus changes your life but they’re just like us.”

And a God whose heart is broken and whose glory is besmirched by people he loved and trusted, who disobeyed Him.

But it’s all right because they “fell in love” and “what can you do?”

God’s love is much more that a state of being”falling in love. God’s love is an action verb. God loved this world and he gave. And the husband who really knows God, loves his wife even when he doesn’t feel he’s getting a lot out of it. And she loves him even when she wishes for more from his side.

God’s love serves and his joy comes from loving.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church”for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery”but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” (Ephesians 5: 25-33, NIV)

The love that I have for my wife is a pretty good measure of the love that I have for the Lord, at least that’s my way of seeing things.

Lots of people today need to quit flirting at the office, quit creating a soap-box-opera world of love on Facebook, quit dreaming through pornography, quit running away from home in their head. Be tough on these things. Quit them!

Get started loving that person next to you with God’s love. We express God’s love by our actions, so think of something you can do to express love and serve them. And if they don’t respond? Well, that pricks a bit, but we’re doing it because we love the Lord and there’s a reward that comes from His side of the equation.

Love acts.
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