I’ve noted this before but I’ve often wondered why is it that when I preach, an hour seems like ten minutes and when someone else preaches, ten minutes seem like an hour.
Whatever the reason, it leads me to some gymnastics, especially when I’m tired. I sit quietly in my place, pushing up my eyelids as if they were 50-pound weights, trying to stay awake.
(Actually, the pastor is the only one who doesn’t appreciate you sleeping. Everyone else thinks it’s funny—with the possible exception of your wife.)
Do you have enough muscles in your eyelids to shove them open for 40 minutes? If not, here are some strategies for sleeping in church without getting caught. Continue reading Five Strategies for Sleeping In Church Without Getting Caught
So, guys, imagine that one day you follow your wife into this porcelain store. You’re doing your good husband thing because you were in a marriage seminar in your church last week.
They told you that there is a world outside of football on television.They suggested you share an experience with the love of your life–something that she likes to do.
That’s why you’re here. While she seriously peruses the merchandise you look around, a bit lost. “I saw this one at Walmart for $2.95,” you say to yourself as you pick up a blue vase.
“Kind of pretty,” you say to yourself, when suddenly you hear a shrill voice cry out, “Sir, don’t handle the merchandise!”, followed by the voice of your lady who is more succinct, “Put that down! That’s a Chinese Han Dynasty vase from 200 B.C. It costs $200,000!”
You stagger as you hear this and the vase falls from your hands. Hearts leap into throats all around the shop but your old baseball instincts leap into action and you bend swiftly and catch it before it hits the floor. (Flickr, creative commons, Xuan Che china ceramics – dragon and phoenix pot Palace Museum, Beijing.) Continue reading Are You Holding a Million-Dollar Vase (or a Blue-light Special?)
I may have met a couple of famous people, sitting on a park bench in Provins, France last week.
You know those two old guys on the Muppet Show? The ones who sit in the balcony and make smart-aleck comments to each other about whatever the others are doing?
Them. Or maybe it wasn’t them but these fellows sure made me think of them (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14njUwJUg1I Only watch this after you finish the Coffee Stain!)
We were in the midst of an outreach talking to people about the Lord. I approached these two old fellows, both pushing 80 I think, sitting on a bench during one of our rare sunny afternoons.
One of them turned a bit nasty when I mentioned God. I remained polite but I wanted to know what had happened to him to make him so bitter against God.
He just made the face of a fellow sucking on a lemon and ordered me to leave before he ordered me to leave.
I know he meant to offend me. Some people are scary when they’re like that, but he struck me as funny because he reminded me of the Muppet Show geezers. Continue reading My Meeting With Two Grumpy Old Men