Here’s your answers to the question we posed in Coffee Stains recently. You won’t agree with everyone but that’s what a discussion is about, isn’t it? If you’re interested there are five other questions and answers after this one.

“Christians are beginning to get more politically involved here in France. Considering the experience of the United States and other countries do you think this is good?

It seems to me that the real point for us to keep in mind is that we are to assume our God-intended place in our lives & in our society, whatever that may be! That certainly includes the call to politics!

However, there are 2 great dangers to bear in mind!
One danger is that we can become so politically active that we stop being spiritually active.

I remember during the days when Clarence Thomas was being considered for appointment for the Supreme Court & came under a lot of scrutiny. A friend of his who was a church leader became quite engaged in the debate because he felt it was unfair. I don´t remember his name but I do remember what he said!

His words were, ‘I find it very hard to be both judge & intercessor, so I have decided to let God be judge & I will be the intercessor’. Great word!

The other danger is that we disengage completely! When that happens our only voice is one of criticism or crisis! History will reveal that society is strongest when the church is clearly fulfilling her mission. We should be leading from the front!

We are spiritually responsible to be good citizens, to engage in the world around us & to be a ‘Christ-presence in all that we do.In reality, the only lasting solutions are spiritual so we dare not lose sight of that!

We are called to keep that focus in front of us at all times!

-Terry
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The separation of church and state embedded in the US Constitution was intended by the founders to avoid the overlapping and conflicting powers at the time in the United Kingdom and the rest of Europe. That wisdom seems to have endured for over two centuries. I would caution any Christian political action to consider what other groups they might inspire. For example, Muslims are the largest minority group in the EU. With the power sharing parliamentary systems, do you want to see an Islamic Party holding ten percent of the seats in parliament?
Gary
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Here’s my thought on politics:
“Christians should support biblical values in the political realm. The danger is that Christians are seen as no longer loving those who reject those biblical values. Social change is good, but grace and love through the gospel must be the hallmark of every Christian first. If political action gets in the way of that, it’s not worth it! It’s a fine line to walk, but eternity is in the balance so it cannot be overlooked.”

Todd

There are also friends in Southwestern Ontario who are motivated to be politically involved, so this question is also relevant here.

I believe Christians should NOT be “more politically involved” but we should be more involved in politics. This may seem double tongued but it has been proven that when one becomes involved with something he or she may influence the same. However, when we become politically involved we tend to be a voting voice, a deciding voice, and a driving force. This often leads to being allowed to participate only where the majority agrees with us.

We need to live the life of a Christian and as a Christian we should add our voice and lead BY EXAMPLE, also in politics. But not in the way of “I-am-a-voting-member-and-therefore-I-have-a-right-to-be-heard”. That will also add to the coined phrase, “if you want to keep friends never argue religion or politics” That can be a turn-off. So being involved in politics, to me, means to become involved and add your voice, not to join the movement so we ‘now have a right to speak’.

And this, in my humble opinion, is as much necessary in Canada as in France, as in any country of the world.

After all Christians, in the days after Christ’s death, were “first called Christians” in Antioch.

Bert

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I believe it is our responsibility to be active in the political process. Our freedoms depend on elected representatives who will/should represent the majority of the people – those who have the privilege to vote need to exercise that right and express their opinions and beliefs.

As Christians it is very important to participate in the political process, as the Lord may use us to influence our city/state/nation/world. Going forth to preach the gospel is not only lip service, but putting our faith/ the gospel into action – standing up for those who have no voice – the elderly, the disabled, the poor and homeless. This is going into the “world” – my “world” and making a difference.

Will political action change things? Yes – and it is up to those who will prayerfully be involved to make positive changes for our communities. God is the One who designed ‘government’ – the Hebrew children under Moses ‘rule’ were the first to receive God’s written laws.
Ultimately, the Lord can change any situation and any person’s heart.

Georgia

Concerning your question on, “Should Christians get involved in political action to change things”: I think there are times in extreme cases when politics can be used to change things, but for the most part real change should start in our families and as our families reach other families there will be a ground swell of change and politics (which many times just follows what the polls say) will follow (like the tail on a dog) in enacting laws to support what the majority of the population has already enacted by their actions.

Bob.

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haha, finally, we teenagers get our say!!! (okay, well, this one does anyway!)….ironically enough, it ISN’T about politics, it’s the Christians getting involved. when looking at other “Christians” who are speaking out, you really have to ask yourself if they’re grounded in the Bible…(as in, are their words filled with hatred and condemnation or are they more encouraging and trying to help the leadership?)……good example: Graham, who would pray at the White House……..in another country (bad example): Joseph Kony who is the leader of the LRA (the Lord’s Resistance Army) and swears he needs to overthrow the government. i don’t know as much about French Christians as i would like to; are there as many denominations in France as there are here in the U.S.? denominations have little variations that can cause big problems. i believe it’s part of a Christian’s responsibility to be involved in politics, even if it’s “simply” praying for the candidates or whatnot. Okay, so maybe I don’t live in a Christian nation (the U.S.), and people are trying to kick God out of everything it seems. Alright, fine. Does that mean I turn my back and say, “Well, since they’re not benefiting me personally as a Christian, why should I care about my leaders?” Duh, because they still can be really helpful to people who AREN’T Christians; people who are poor, who are ill, in prison, going hungry, etc. (sound like a familiar verse?) We need to care, and we need to be involved in some way, otherwise we don’t have two cents of a right to complain about how bad the current political situation is.

Kayte

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If our Christian family would get together and vote for Christian leaders, we would have fewer issues and problems in our government and judicial system. Our Christian family helped elect a Christian President that has carried the message of Jesus Christ around the world. If the leaders of the churches will go about requesting Christian families to participate in the election process, quietly, to vote for the person they believe will represent Christ and follow Christ in all they do, I think it will be extremely beneficial. If the church leaders are outspoken and try to tear down a political candidate, it will only hurt what we are trying to do. The message has to be positive, uplifting, just as Christ would do.

Neal

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Political involvement is absolutely necessary but not the primary for Christians. As Christians our main focus is to “bear fruit” by telling others about Christ ability to change our lives into a life of purpose, but part of that purpose is to withstand the enemy of our souls and unfortunately the enemy still uses politics and politicians to try and stop God or at least frustrate Him. Christian involvement is necessary to “make up the hedge and stand in the gap…” (Ezek. 22:30) and stop wicked leaders that are “like wolves ravening the prey, to shed blood, and to destroy souls, to get dishonest gain…..use oppression, and exercise robbery, and vex the poor and needy:…” ( Ezek. 22:23-30). Christians have the ultimate weapon in this warfare, the Holy Spirit. Because its “not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit saith the Lord of Hosts.” (Zec. 4:6) Notice that “hosts” is plural and we as Christians are part of God’s hosts. The Holy Spirit in us, uses us in political warfare by word and by action.

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What are some treasures in your marriage?

The joy of knowing unconditional love from my husband, and he knows mine.
Heather

After 51 years together and even though both of us are failing in health somewhat, I can truly say that I feel safe with him, and secure in his strength.

Janice

not just knowing, that’s easy, but seeing it every day in the little things they do for you…that someone really loves you and feeling that love forever. It’s a God love thing!

ACA

To feel my husband walk up behind me and wrap his arms around me as I am preparing dinner, and look up and over my shoulder to see his smile and the love in his eyes.

Kathy

You always have someone to play a game with!

Jennifer

We are not perfect, but we are perfect for each other.
Viola

I married my best friend. I have been opening doors for her for over 40 years now, 39 of them as married, so why should I stop now. I still enjoy doing things for her. It has been a team effort and I know that God put us together as help mates and that is till death do us part. It hasn’t always been a bed of roses all the time, but through the Grace of God we make it through. I do what the Bible says to do, and that is to put God first, Family second, and then all else will just fall into place.
Tom

To close my eyes and envision the smiles of my children that warm my heart and fill it with joy!
To admire my helpmate as she continually goes about her daily tasks with such care and nurture

Just a couple of thoughts before I lay my head on the pillow next to my helpmate that was so instrumental in me enjoying the smiles of my children.
Michael

As you grow old together your love never stops growing.
Irene

For your marriage treasures:
to know that someone WANTS to grow old with me, despite my imperfections (both physical and otherwise).
Lisa

The peace, love, and joy of a true and honest companion ( other than God ), but within the WILL of God and blessed by God.
Randy

Again from Santiago, Chile, my own Marriage Treasure from 36 years of my life by Hugo Cesar Larranaga, and 7 years as his widow……………..MY TREASURE WAS BEING MARRIED TO MY BEST FRIEND.

Joan

Having your spouse as your best friend and even after 45 years of marriage.
Joan

To have someone you can fully trust to have your back.
Dorothy

16 MARRIAGE TREASURES

1. Seeing the goals you set before you married unfold into even more than you dared dream 25 years later.

2. The way you fall instantly in love with each new grandchild at his birth

3. Knowing his aftershave so well that just that scent is enough to fill you with joy and longing

4. Finding God together

5. Being filled with the baptism of the Holy Spirit sitting side by side in our living room

6. The anticipation of each pregnancy

7. Agreeing on just the color of carpeting for your first brand new home

8. Having all our kids and grandkids together in church on Sunday morning—and standing and singing praise to our Lord with your daughter singing on one side and a son playing guitar on the other. (While your husband is running the sound board)

9. When you actually agree on what to do with the “extra” money!

10. The blessing of sleeping in together

11. Knowing you are truly not alone as you prepare to let your parent go home to the Lord

12. Saturday morning coffee on the couch as you share the newspaper

13. Those winks across a crowded room

14. The way his hand reaches for mine any time

15. Hearing her cackle over something silly in the other room and being so moved by that joy that you laugh out loud too

16. Bursting with pride when the pastor’s wife compliments your wife.
Ano

Marriage treasure: to have someone who sees things from a different perspective and challenges you to work on those habits that hold you back from fully giving or receiving love. Jim says I am the perfect match for him - even though we are opposites in many ways. Our goal is to help each other to heaven, and sometimes that means “as iron sharpens iron.” Ouch! We try to be kind to each other as much as possible so that it’s easier to bear those times when we need to address the difficult issues with each other. A spouse is a mirror through whom you can see your own behavior and its consequences. When you’re married to a benevolent mirror, a spouse is also the one who comforts you and encourages you to do better.

Amy

Security. I feel so secure in my husbands arms and just knowing that I am loved and cared for. And to have somebody to give all of my love to.

Randi

One thing I might add……..Keep lines of communication open

Evadine

To look back, after almost 53 years of marriage, and still marvel at how God brought a young man all the way from Green Bay, Wisconsin to Waxahachie, Texas to meet, fall in love, and marry a Texas girl.

Betty

Having someone who knows my faults and loves me anyway!

Having so much “history” with one person that we can read each other’s thoughts — and could probably finish each other’s sentences if that weren’t such an annoying habit!

Carol

–To look in each others eyes and see the twinkle and know what the other is going to say before they say it.

Bob.

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Suppose you had a young couple in front of you and you could give them one bit of advice about how to succeed in marriage. In two or three sentences tell me what you would tell this couple, who plan to get married. Obviously, the first thing is to build a relationship together in the Lord, but are there other things?

We have been married over 52 years - 1. Love the Lord first. 2. Love each other. 3. Don’t go to sleep angry. 4. Talk over problems quietly - NO HOLLERING. 5. Forgive errors and put them behind you. Don’t dangle them like fish bait.
Connie
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The Bible says, Ps 37:4
4 Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. KJV

There comes times in our marriages that the “desire” we have at the time is exactly OPPOSITE of the “desire” our Godly spouse has. Neither desire is sinful or even “borderline.” They are just opposite. What to do for the sake of peace? Ask yourself these questions. Am I a taker or a giver? Do I have to have my desire or can I give her/him the desire she/he has and so have a part in fulfilling the Word in my spouse’s life?

The Bible also quotes Jesus as saying, Acts 20:35
35 I have shewed you all things, how that so labouring ye ought to support the weak, and to remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he said, It is more blessed to give than to receive. KJV

Bro. Dee
34 year veteran of marriage ( to the same woman! )

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My husband Ernie and I will be married 30 years this May. We have gone through a lot but we held on to God and His strength, and we know we will be married til the Lord comes. We have always talked to each other about everything. Ernie makes me laugh all the time, even if things are really tough. I have learned to listen and not judge. Just love your spouse. You know after all this time when I hear Ernie’s truck coming down the drive my heart still does what I call pitter/patter, I can’t wait til he comes in. He always tells me he can’t wait to get home to see me. Be kind and considerate to each other. It can’t be stressed more Keep God the center of your life and marriage. It takes work and prayer but it can be done. We feel we are truly blessed.

Joyce
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First of all, congratulations on choosing marriage! Marriage is a commitment to each other and a covenant with God. Your marriage should be like a triangle: God, Husband, Wife — the closer you each move toward God, the closer you both will become.
My husband and I have been married for 35 years and have six children and nine beautiful grandchildren. During your time together you will experience all the emotions humans can experience. At times you may question if you are truly in love because humans tend to fall in and out of love easily. Remember to keep your eyes focused on the tip of that triangle and because of your commitment to each other and your covenant with God; you will realize that God’s love never stops for us even when we are unlovable!
Debbie
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We have been married for 53 years and I would say the most important after building a relationship in the Lord is:

There are two personalities being blended.
Being patient with each other.
Tell your companion every day that you love them.

JonBet

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I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 24 YEARS, BUT WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 27 YEARS (DATING AND COURTING) AND THE BEST ADVICE I CAN GIVE IS; 1.) LISTEN TO EACH OTHER WHEN YOU TALK AND REALLY HEAR WHAT THE OTHER ONE IS SAYING. 2.) BE READY TO FORGIVE EACH OTHER ALWAYS, BECAUSE AS YOU CAN IMAGINE, BEING TOGETHER THAT LONG, YOU WILL STEP ON EACH OTHERS TOES A BIT AND 3.) I HAVE FOUND THAT THE VERY THINGS THAT ATTRACTED ME TO MY HUSBAND ARE THE VERY THINGS THAT DRIVE ME CRAZY NOW, BUT I HAVE TO REMIND MYSELF THAT IT WAS THOSE THINGS THAT BROUGHT US TOGETHER IN THE BEGINNING.

ANN

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Having been divorced twice, I stayed married for 11 years each time, the things I can tell them would be “what not to do”!
1.) Do not marry someone hoping to “get them saved”
2.) Always seek God’s guidance in choosing your mate and WAIT for His answer. Even if it’s not the answer you want. Remember our “feelings” will decieve us!
3.) ALWAYS have core values and likes and dislikes. (ex: church attendance, hobbies, interests, etc.)
4.) Lastly, BE BEST FRIENDS!!! The burning flames of Love will sometimes fade; but, best friends are for life!
M.

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We have been married for 28 years. I think couples should remember that marriage is NOT a competition or a 50/50 partnership………it is more like a “three-legged” race……the more you work together the further you get—you will fall, stagger and stumble…but with cooperation, coordination and communication…you will get on down the road! There will be disagreements, even arguments……..ask the Lord to help you to see your partner how He sees them..most of us bring emotional baggage into our marriages (baggage packed with hurts, joys, egos, memories – good and bad) and this baggage many times influences our reaction to a given situation..God understands the “deep reasons” for our reactions and when we see through His eyes we are more prone to react as He would with understanding and kindness….. and remember the ‘baggage thing’ is on both sides! And last (but not least) ..there will be times when, for whatever reasons, it is hard to be committed to your spouse—that is when you stay committed to the Marriage—nothing works without efforts!

Linda
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My advice to a young couple about to get married would be to always make time for each other. In the beginning, this is easy. When you have been married a long time, you tend to forget how important it is to have someone to really listen to you. Put your spouse first - before the kids, before the friends and before your other family members. Keep your fights between the 2 of you. What you fight about is no one else’s business (unless you need help from a marriage consoler or your Pastor) and will only make it harder to admit when you are wrong. And lastly, laugh together. Ed and I will be married for 36 years come May.

Mary

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Learn how to fight with each other…not the mean, spiteful fighting but the kind where you can express honest disagreements with each other. Don’t let problems fester under the skin. Get them out in the open with the one you love.

Gary…30 years of marriage and counting!

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Well, I have found that putting God first in your marriage and your lives is very important. Never leave the house angry and always tell your spouse you love them. Something may happen that you would never get to say that again. Don’t go to bed angry with one another. Marriage is not a 50/50 proposition; it takes 100% of you to make a marriage work. And always appreciate one another, have trust in one another and tell each other these things.

My husband and I just celebrated our 26th wedding anniversary.

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First of all they have to be joined together as one in Jesus. Make sure they know what that means. Realize before you are married that that person your marrying is who God made them to be and they will not be changing. Also pray daily for them. Even after marriage. Even if you feel there is nothing major to pray about.
We have been married 41 years. My husband was not saved when we got married. He was saved in the year 2000. It was a really hard journey for him not to be saved. For both of us.

Sue

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I would tell this couple to build a relationship With God. To start with their church and give of their time and talents. Our relationship is strong because we are of one mind when it comes to our beliefs in God, and then, everything else follows!

Kathy and I have been married 14 years. Now in our 50’s, we’re a”seasoned” couple who met at our Catholic church (rare in today’s world). That’s where we started and where we continue!

John
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Forgive, forgive, forgive

Two years in marriage

Morgan

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We’ve been married 57 years and are asked many times what we attribute such longevity to. First, of course, is the fact we are children of God, love Him but also fear Him. Then, I think we keep the lines of communication open. That doesn’t mean everyday is always pleasant but we try to talk things out and understand each other’s feelings. Another thing is having the determination to stay married in spite of conflicts. Too many today go into marriage with the idea if it doesn’t work out, then get a divorce. I believe, too, a couple should go together long enough to work lots of things out before marriage. How each feel about specific things such as having children, religious beliefs, education, even political issues, etc. The more understanding one has of the other’s thoughts and ideas makes life go smoother.

Evadene

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The spouse is # one!!……period
Communicate: Talk …. Listening attentively
Pray together….Play together….Say ” I love you” often- Say “I’m sorry “even if it isn’t your fault
Forgive and forget

Married 47.5 years…..
Lecil
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Marriage: 1. Always give 150% and expect on 50% to be given back. 2. Forgiveness is essential, on a daily basis. 3. Set boundaries. 4. Always be willing to compromise and be flexible. 5. You must learn to say “I’m sorry” erasing pride from the situation.

We have been married 42 years. There is an age difference of 17 years between us. WITH THE LORD, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!
Linda

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I have been married for 25 years and even when i hate my husband i make myself love him and i read what we had read at our wedding and it humbles me ,it was corinthians 13 ,all about real love, it makes me feel real bad sometimes especially when my husband is actually right and i´m being pig-headed and mostly when i am right and i know i have to forgive him. Marraige is hard work and it is not something you can never stop working at but when you take your marraige vows seriously then you are obliged to keep your promises and put up with the bad times as much as you enjoy the good and as a christian you always have someone on your side helping you no matter what, also no-one is perfect and even if you don´t like to admit it that means even you!

Elaine
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Fourteen years of marriage should teach a couple something. More than a little important, possibly the key to making or breaking a relationship, even relationships outside of marriage, is communication. How can we stay close to any friend, if we do not ever talk and spend quality time together? We must make “dates” if it is not in our nature to frequently spend time together where honest, healthy communication happens. We must purposefully make the time.

Women who want their husbands to “get it” must realize men are not mind readers. Be specific about what you want. Men interrupt and become defensive readily, but practicing kind communication improves that. When addressing the seven churches in Asia (Rev. 1,2,& 3)Jesus praised, then corrected-then offered a solution, then encouraged again. Choose the best time, after seeking the Lord, to approach your husband. Just learning to wait for the right moment, solves some issues, making wives less like a “continual dripping”.

Lydia

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I wish that our pre-counseling pastor had taken more time to help us understand how important it was to know how we each approached money issues, including use of checking accts, savings, ATM cards, who pays what, etc. and how we each approached giving to God in a monetary way, especially when one of us is ordained a United Methodist pastor and how all the financial issues work surrounding his profession. He said our biggest obstacles would be money and sexual issues but he didn’t elaborate. We have been married 22 years and our biggest disagreements are over money which in the end all belongs to God!
Our saving grace is grace, that we put God first in our lives above all else.

Patricia
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These are my suggestions:

1. Remember that what it tells you about loving and respecting your spouse in Ephesians Chapter 6 is NOT a suggestion…it’s a command! What that will bring to your married life is beyond comprehension!

2. ALWAYS tithe! You cannot believe the blessings that will flow into your lives when you do this! God was not kidding us in the Book of Malachi when he said to “test Him” in this!

3. Take time for your children…ALWAYS…they are a precious gift from God. Their lives will be affected forever by what you do and say.
Ron (Kirkuk, Irak)

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To remember every day that love is not just a feeling but an act of the will. Every day to decide to love and honour my husband, therefore I do not speak negatively about him, even as a ‘joke’, and I help him every way I can even when I really don’t want to. Reading the 5 love languages by Gary Chapman, gives useful insights!

Fran

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Tina and I just celebrated 25 wonderful years of being happily married. The advice that I would give is this. There’s nothing so bad that it can not be workout peacefully. We have never had a big fight, really in 25 years no big fight. We always talk over every decision that we needed to make, from the little things to the big things. If we do get upset with each other we step away from each other until we are able to talk calmly, that way we don’t have to apologize for hurtful words later. We stand firm on issues involving the children we don’t let them play us against one another. And we let each other be who they want to be. We always encourage one another and support one another.

Donnie

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I have been married for 51 years, I think the second advent to a happy marriage is to be friends and respect each other as two separate people with two separate interests in life, I also think couples should talk things out together making decisions about lives situations together. They must remember that one is not less important than the other one but both equal as individuals, respecting and loving each other enough to let each other have room to themselves for things that they enjoy doing. One must not dominate or control the other smothering them by making them do things and live the way they want them to live. God created us equal and we should be treated equal. So many times when people get married, one thinks that they bought their spouse and control them as their slave, that isn’t love and doesn’t bring about respect, because they aren’t doing things for the other because they want to but because they are told to do so, making them have low self esteem and withdrawn.

One can’t expect a loving family life unless they fully understand the role of husband and wife. I know that concealing is very important to let each other know how marriage should be like so one or the other will not be treated like they are less important than their spouse. Some people have been told what to do and bossed all their life and that is all they know so when they get married they get treated without respect and ordered around, not knowing that that isn’t the way marriage is suppose to be ordained by God. He said to Adam that He was going to create him a help mate not a slave to order around, but one to love and respect. All of this is from experience in my marriage but I was taught to be married for ever and divorce was out. The last five years or so have gotten better since I have been taking up for myself, but my kids don’t even respect me because their Dad never showed me respect, that affects their marriage as well. My grandkids even have not shown respect but they are getting better since I have been letting them know that I will not put up with it anymore.

Georgia

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Never allow both of you to become angry at the same time. Marriage is not 50-50 or you will always be in a fight and someone will win and someone will lose. There must be submission or giving on one side or the other until it is 99-1 for the winner and don’t allow the same person to always be the winner.
My wife and I will be married sixty year next June 2008
Joe

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I believe openness is important in a healthy relationship, Being senistive to each partner. Learning to accept the good as well as the bad, the complete package—for better or worst. helping the other to be able to meet their goal is helping themselves as well.
Becky
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I would tell the wife: Love your husband as you love yourself. Encourage him, honor him, listen to him, thank him, be affectionate with him. Do for him as you would want him to do for you.
Married 25 1/2 years.
Peggy
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I was married approx. 18 ½ years. I am no longer married to my husband. I can tell you that hind sight is 20/20. What things to think on prior to your vows.
Please know that if you can not instantly in your heart say, “I will love him/her forever,” you are not 100% committed to that individual. Cherish your spouse with everything that is in you. Nurture one another daily with encouragement. Communicate and do not hide your thoughts. Only share with your spouse your hopes and dreams for the future. Trust them with your heart. If anyone should be able to tell you something that you need to hear, they should be the one that you can trust with love to keep you accountable.

Dottie
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In response to your request for marriage advise, one thing immediately came to mind. It was an article in Reader’s Digest that I read years ago:

A young lady who was soon to be married, asked her Grandma the secret of their happy marriage. Grandma replied that back when she and Grandpa were newly weds, they decided they would make a list of the ten things that bothered them the most about the other person. These ten things would always be completely forgiven, without comment, for the sake of the marriage. The young lady thought about that for a minute and said; “hey, that’s a great idea!” She pondered a while, then she asked; “Grandma, what were the ten things you put on that list about Grandpa that bothered you?” “Well, honey”, Grandma replied. “That’s the secret of our marriage. You see, we never did get around to making those lists but every time I did something that bothered him, or he did something that really annoyed me, we’ld just say - ‘You sure are lucky, that’s one of the ten!’”

Jo
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Besides being a dedicated christian man my husband has always been dedicated to his wife and family. He is not selfish, does not seek his on way and easily forgives. Wow! How can I be anything but loving, kind and gentle when I’m treated so respectfully by him. It always goes both ways. We have had more than 36 years of wedded bliss.

Dorothy

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Always remember that if you are marrying a person “THINKING” that you will change them, you won’t. If there is something about them that you don’t like and can’t live with, don’t think that marriage will fix that.

Cathy (36 yrs of marriage)

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Success in marriage is not a matter of ‘finding’ the right partner. It is a matter of ‘being’ the right partner, 24/7 365. Beverly and I have been married 35 years.
Gaylan

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Other than building a relationship together in the Lord, which is the most important thing as you mention, the next most important thing is to remember that there is NO problem too big that you can’t work out together as long as you are both open to listening and communicating. You will be more different than you are alike so working through the differences is a must. You can’t change and shouldn’t change the other person. That’s God’s job. Just love them and enable them to be the best they can be.

Bob
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My husband and I have been married 20 years on Feb.18, 2008. My best advice to any young couple is to treat each other with respect and honor as you would a guest in your home. Each of you must give 150% not 20/80 it will never work that way. Remember God first!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Always!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mary

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Be each other’s best friend and never let anyone change that.
Been married 39 years. Still Happy
Dixie
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I would say to focus on the good qualities and encourage them in one another, never the ones that annoy or irritate you. Support growth in one another, always respecting one another, and saying these things to one another. DO NOT ASSUME they know you love and respect them just because you are there. Everyone needs encouragement. People will become what you see in them. The words of the mouth have power. If you tell them they are worthless that is what they will become; If you tell them they are full of honor, integrity, and you respect them, they will become that type of person. My husband and I have been married for almost 8 years now. The first few were rough, as I was not of this mind and almost lost him. I had to change and show him that I loved and respected him, now our marriage flourishes with blessings from Heaven.

Donna
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In response to your question about “How to succeed in marriage”……………..and as you have stated “GOD First”. “Consistency” is the word I would use……………….I would say that laying here within the confines of this word is one of the biggest keys to the success of anything a man or woman take on in life…………….This word “Constancy” will always show up anytime the word “Dedication / Obligation” has been used…………..Meaining if a person has “Dedicated / Obligated” his or herself to something (GOD First) then the end result will always depend on how “Constant” this person has been to his or her “Dedication / Obligation” over a given period of time (a day, a week, a month, or even a lifetime).

Please be sure to tell this couple that life in general (GOD, marriage, work, children, friends, ect., ect.) all have there ups and downs / good times and bad but, the only way for anyone to see the end result is “CONSTANCY”.

I have been married 22 yrs. in March…………..I am 47 at present………………I know from looking at my own life and seeing others around me the above statement is without doubt 100 % true.

Kent

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My husband Estes and I celebrated our 50th aniversary last June 28th. 27 of our clan out of 32 were able to be there to celebrate with us. As you said number one is having a foundation built on Jesus Christ. He is my best friend and there is no one on earth who knows me better than Estes. But you have to have a sense of humor. Be able to laugh together. Will you always agree ABSOLUTLEY NOT. You don’t ever go to bed angry. Might as well work it out you wont get any sleep anyways. What if your not in the wrong? What harm does it do to say I’m sorry first? The past fifty years have been an adventure and we are looking forward to see what God has in store for us.

Joe Anne
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Question:“From your own experiences, what are the benefits in daily life which come from praising the Lord?”

. . . . don’t have one of those really impressive responses, just a little something.
One morning as I was showering and not feeling well, I started singing songs from years ago that were favorites in the church where I grew up. I began to feel so much better. My husband was listening, and what a lift that gave to him. It started both our days off with thanksgiving.
Joyce

Praise is not praise unless it is demonstrated, but the impetus of praise is a thankful heart. What elicits an action of praise is when a person values something or someone enough to show it.

With that said, the benefit of daily praising God would mean that our heart never wanders too far away from remembering…Remembering the blessings of God on our lives, remembering the love and mercy that rescued us from sin, remembering the grace that covers us as we walk with Him, remembering that when those rainy Mondays pile up that His Word is filled with promises of hope, love, and a better tomorrow.

I think that is why the Psalmist admonished us in Psalms 103:2 to not forget all His benefits. We certainly see what an attitude of ingratitude did for the children of Israel. They simply forgot all the blessings and provisions of God, so they murmured and complained. I also think that the Apostle Paul had mastered the art of remembering. That is why he was content wherever he was. He did not allow his present situation to overshadow his remembering what God had done, and his hope for what He would do in the future.

Bruce

Praising the Lord sets the tone for the day for me and keeps me sensitive to God’s blessings of life, the creation, and my salvation. Praise is worship and we were created to worship God.
Bobbie
He’s got my back

Well, He is Who He is, first of all. Even if he did NOTHING for us, He’s still God. The fact that I know that He’s got my back is reason enough to praise him.

Sure I bicker with Him over whatever’s going wrong in my eyes, but I know that, ultimately, He’s got my best interest at heart.

Now, do I even need to get into the things He DOES for me that most people praise Him for? I have food, clothing, and shelter for me and my sons. I have a job. I’ve got so many talents that I know when He finally gives me a car that I’ll be able to make more money to provide for us. My boys love the Lord and already know His work in their lives. That, in itself, is a miracle today.

So, with that kind of track record, when I KNOW He’s got my back, the benefit in MY daily life is, first and foremost, the underlying joy and calm to face the rotten parts of this life with grace. All else is frosting!

Rosalie

First of all, it comes from faith. Paul said a lot about faith and hope, it being “the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” That has been very true in my life, and every time I face it, there is still the same challenge.

Here is how praise works for me: When I am facing a situation or a day that is impossible, and I pray “Lord, I thank you for this day and praise your goodness and overcoming victory that you have already provided for this day,” in so many words, the situation or the day works out.

Then when I am in a worship service, and I actually praise and worship (how many times do we stand there singing with our hands up and are thinking about anything but the Lord). If I actually worship and praise Him, I can actually feel the blessing, and everything works better. The week is easier. Witnessing becomes natural. Jesus becomes a real person.

Even though I am aware of this, next Sunday morning rolls around and I am worshiping with my lips but my heart is far
from Him. Praise is a daily decision for me. It does not come from my natural man.

Mark

As I praise the Lord I witness in my own life the favor with God to put me in the right place at the right time. I recently had to get an affidavit and before I left The Attorney’s office he ask me a question in which I shared about God and how he could have freedom from the choice he made today. Not only that I left without paying for his services. He said it’s free.
God is Good, I was blessed and he (Jonathan) also blessed.
As we Praise, God is working on our behalf.

Also, as we praise, thanking God for all things, God intervenes in ways in which we can praise Him more. I often thank God for His provision in my daily needs and He is ALWAYS on TIME.

Becky

When one praises the Lord, there is no room for doubt or sadness, Satan can’t be present in one’s mind when they have Jesus on the line to their souls and mind. When we praise the Lord we have a song in our hearts and letting him minister to us. The joy of the Lord is our strength. We have the choice every day to either be happy or be sad. We need to purpose in our hearts every day to be happy in the Lord and give everything that bothers us to the Lord and not let the cares of this world get us down. We have all the help we possibly need with God our father, Jesus our savior and the Holy Spirit who is our helper, conforter and our strength, all fighting for us because they love us so much.

Georgia

There is one big one……PEACE!!!! I have daily peace that surpasses all understanding in all situations!

TRC

1) If you’re busy praising the LORD, you will not have time to complain about the little stuff.. 2) when you praise the LORD, you are reaching out to HIM and HE will reach down to you and give you joy. 3) with GOD in you thoughts, you will have no space left for problems.
Norm

My experience is that the benefits of a daily life that come from praising the Lord are many. First it helps me keep things in perspective. It helps me see the problems and sorrows that I face from God’s perspective. It helps me “get above the clouds” and stop concentrating so much on the things and problems around me and start concentrating on God’s larger perspective and “His kingdom”. It helps the “dry spells” not be so dry. It helps the “dry spells” not be so frequent.

Praising the Lord every day, whether I feel like it or not, eventually brings joy to my heart and a smile to my face. Being joyful helps reduce stress and I think helps with overall physical, mental, emotional and of course spiritual health. It also helps me help others that are going through rough times. Of course praising the Lord is what the Bible tells us to do and so if we do it we know that God will take care of all of our needs “before we can even ask or think of them”. So, don’t worry, be happy . . . praise the Lord!
Bob Lafon
Even when I don’t feel Him

It’s amazing how the answer appeared in your own text, that is spiritual maturity.

When I praised God, I (express) all that I see and don’t see but know that God is. Which by the way, praising God is part of being obedient and a natural part of any relationship when done in truth and love … as I praise God I start to see the very things that I praising Him for, like being the redeemer, being faithful, loving, kind, and the list goes on.
Which in turns builds my faith and encourages me to seek and praise Him even more ( yes, even when I don’t feel He is there or listening) and I believe that leads to spiritual maturity.
What a awesome God we serve!

Mike

(sorry if this gets kind of long…) Summers have become something I’ve “learned” to dread…strange words coming from a teenager but it’s true. For the past four summers or so, without fail, there has been a confirmed cancer in my mother’s body or a cancer scare…either ordeal leaving us exhausted. This year marks year 8 of my mother’s battle with cancer; she has “won” five rounds already. There was one scare this year and it pushed me over the edge. I swore that if she ever got cancer again, I wouldn’t be able to handle needing two hands to count how many times my mom’s had cancer. Well wouldn’t you know it, yesterday (August 24th), my mother was diagnosed with cancer again. this time is by far the most serious; if she takes the radiation treatment for the cancerous spot on her head, she risks loosing control of the left side of her body. If she doesn’t take the treatment, she risks the cancer spreading to her brain. and where am I, her 16 year old daughter, in all of this? Believe it or not, strangely calm. okay, maybe “strange” is the wrong word…..if you’ve ever felt the kind of calm that can only be of God, you’ll know what I’m talking about. I have shed no tears, I have no broken down and “snapped” like I swore would happen. I start school in three days, the same week my mother starts her radiation treatments.

By now, you’re probably wondering where I’mgoing with this….when I was at a low point a couple weeks back, I was inspired by the song “Praise You in This Storm” by Casting Crowns….I ended up writing sort of a little devotional to each of the lyrics, talking about how God walks with us through anything. we keep praising him in the calm and in the storm. You can look at my life one way and say, “well kaytie, it sure doesn’t look like you’ve benefited from praising God…your mom may die, you’ve still got that panic disorder, college is an uncertain future…” blah blah blah……but you can choose to look at it this way, the way I am seeing it….God is bigger than cancer. God is big enough to wrap me in His arms and take hold of the situation…assuming that I will let Him. and when you praise God every day, it begins to sink in (especially if you sing a lot of songs about this…) that God can handle anything, if we’re willing to let Him. And when I realize something like that, it reminds me why God has allowed my mother to suffer for so long…and just how much a person can be changed by praising God.

~kaytie~

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What happened when you dreamed and it didn’t come to pass? If you really had a dream from God it has to happen, doesn’t it? Are these dreams from God already written down, destined to happen, no matter what? Or can our unbelief, or our laziness, or our sin change the future that God has for us? Can small faith cripple us and keep us from the total fulfillment of the vision that great faith would have seen?

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I believe we get dreams and visions from God and sometimes we get in the way of those dreams. Yes, I believe we can change what God has put in our hearts, minds, dreams—by our lack of faith, our desire for something else, sin, lots of ways. I also think sometimes those dreams aren’t so cut and dried as they appear. Sometimes they are symbolic and if you don’t get the symbols right (interpret?) then the dream isn’t going to happen the way you think you saw it.

You didn’t ask for this, but here is my most encouraging vision from God. Our church has a Monday night prayer time. Everyone is welcome, a lay leader guides us, and all we do for at least an hour is just pray corporately for whatever the leader suggests (or whatever is burdening our heart if we are bold enough to speak it).

On the very first night I came, the leader had us separate and make an altar wherever we chose. I chose a pew in the middle of the sanctuary, got on my knees, and was praying. God showed me a picture of “knights” coming home from battle—dirty, filthy really; armor all banged up and scarred… blood and rags all over them. I understood it represented the battle that takes place in prayer. (I don’t know how I knew that, I was a fairly new believer). At then end of the prayer time, the leader gathered us all together and we joined hands in a circle at the altars up front. I closed my eyes and bowed my head and saw another picture: Those same knights, all sparkly and shiny—no dings in their armor, clean, eager to go to battle one more time, shouting and gesturing and encouraging one another to victory. I realized that I felt that way after one hour of corporate prayer! No longer tired from a day’s work, no longer frustrated that I had to spend that time at church instead of in front of my TV… eager to get on with the job God gave me.

That vision has kept me close to the Monday night prayer time. I very rarely miss it! My husband and I are there more often than the pastor of our church now: and my husband is now the lay leader. For me, that vision comes true every Monday night. It is still very real to me after 9 years. I seek after it, and I find it.
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I believe you answered your question. If we allow unbelief or laziness or sin to get in the way the dream God has given us for the future can change or not happen at all. Not having enough faith can cripple us from the total fulfillment of the vision that God has for us. Before Paul was shipwrecked God had told him that everyone was going to be saved. Paul could have gone to the bottom of the boat and slept after that, but instead he went topside and motivated the ship’s crew to take action so that God’s will could be fulfilled.

Bob.

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Several years ago, I heard a minister interpret Ps. 37: 4 “God puts the desire in your heart, and then you reach out and receive it as your own desire……..”. I thought that was a great interpretation of the way God works in and through us to accomplish His plans for our lives. I am still working on a dream that is almost 25 years old. I am believing that in the next few months it will come to fruition.

” What happens when the dream doesn’t come true. If it is God, doesn’t it have to work?” That opens a whole can of worms and questions that we could discuss for years to come. I truly believe the Bible teaches that: If it’s God….it will work………….if it’s just me, it probably won’t. Several things depend on this tho. #1 God’s Will as opposed to my will. #2 My faith and faithfullness. #3 My willingness to wait on God’s dream until it happens.

” Can our unbeliefs, laziness, and sin hamper the dreams that God gives? Does small faith cripple?” YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! God can only work through a ‘willing vessel’. If we are not cooperative, His Will will be accomplished………but, through someone else!!!!!!!!!!! We will miss out on the rewards of our dream.

Judith

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M.L. King had a dream

Joseph had a dream

My friend David has dreams

Jesus has a dream - that none should perish

I’ve only dreamed 2 Xs that I was witnessing

but, my dream is to increase in wisdom & understanding

That I’ll have an appropriate answer for the lost.

Paul

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I do believe that it is God Himself that puts those dreams in our hearts. God delights in our prosperity and our joy. Yes, if I delight myself in the Lord, He indeed will give me the desires of my heart. David, but I also believe that we must believe and not doubt. No matter what the circumstances look like, no matter what we see or feel we must continue to beleive and not doubt. We must not be double minded or be moved by what we are seeing or not seeing we must be moved by His word and His promise. No matter if the circumstances we see or even if we see the total opposite of what we are praying for we must not be moved and must continue to believe and have that unshakable faith.

David, I am waiting on a miracle from God and I believe that He himself has put this dream in my heart and I know that I know that I know He will bring it to pass. Also we must be careful of what we say or confess with our mouth. In Proverbs 18:22 it clearly say that a man is full and must be satisfied with the words of his mouth and with the consequences of his words he must content whether good or bad. I Love the Lord with all my heart and I believe that HE will bring my desires to pass.

Patricia

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I do not remember any of the dreams I have had from the Lord not coming to pass. I have not had many, probably about 20. However, I can see where lack of faith could cause a dream or vision not to come to pass.

Ben

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YES, I BELIEVE IN DREAMS, ALTHOUGH SOME WERE “NIGHT MARES”? SOME OF MY DREAMS HAVE BEEN REALIZED AND SOME ARE STILL “FUTURE”.

ED AND JOANN
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I think that one thing that can prevent us from seeing dreams come to pass is moving away from God’s daily presence in our lives–letting ourselves get so busy and focused on the now, that we put off eternal things like deepening our relationship with Him and truly seeking His will and direction every day. That’s where I’m at right now–not the greatest place to be, and yet so difficult to get out of. I think that our unbelief, laziness, and sin can definitely change what God has for us–after all, He has given us free will to choose our path. At the same time, it’s scary to think that something I do or don’t do could prevent me from fulfilling the dreams God placed in my heart. I don’t think that this is necessarily the final answer on the subject, however, as God is bigger than my imperfections and can still redirect me back to His path. I think it comes back to a place of surrender. We can mess up, but if we return to God and surrender our dreams again, He can still accomplish His plan. It may look a little different, though, depending on the choices we’ve made and the consequences or lifestyle changes that go with them. But coming from a position that is outside of time, He knew everything that would happen from the beginning anyway…

I guess a good analogy is the Fall–God knew that would happen, and yet His original plan was for us to live in the Garden and be in perfect fellowship with him. His “plan” was altered by human sin, but not destroyed forever. Through Jesus, fellowship was restored, though it is imperfect while we are still here on this Earth.
The fellowship God had in mind will not be experienced again in its fullest form until we go to heaven. So, yes, I think we can alter God’s plan…but He can accomplish His purpose in another way, either through our lives (if we are willing) or through someone else.

Shannon
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I wanted to reply to your question on God given dreams. No I am not authority on the subject but I would like to share my thoughts. I was about 8 or 9 when I used to see Br Oral Roberts on a black and white TV, and i would see the Miracles that was taking place especially the children taking their braces off and cripples by the hundreds getting healed. There was something in me that arouse up in me and a small voice spoke to me and said if you believe in me you can to. I wanted to preach and I wanted to pray for people and let God heal them. I would have dreams about this all the time and I would see myself preaching under the Big Top tent to thousands, the same voice would say the same words to me. I hid this in heart for the next few years and I gave my heart to Jesus I was called to preach his word and I was filled with the Holy Ghost the same night. I was 13yrs old. I will make this short, I have seen some of the dreams come true. I have seen many people healed by the power of God. You have got to believe in the dream and believe in him who called you and don’t be afraid to take chance, remember his ways are not yours.

Bro John

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What happened when you dreamed and it didn’t come to pass?

* I think some dreams are just your mind enjoying recreational activity. We work it hard during the day, it plays all night.

If you really had a dream from God it has to happen, doesn’t it?

* Not if God changed direction as a result of someone praying such as Hezekiah’s 15 years or Ninevites repenting after Jonah’s threat.

Are these dreams from God already written down, destined to happen, no matter what?

* Only if you are a Calvanist. All their dreams (and nightmares) must come true or else they would have to change their doctrinal position…which will be shortly after Hell freezes over!

Or can our unbelief, or our laziness, or our sin change the future that God has for us?

* Here’s where I side with the Open Theists. There is a potenital future waiting to come to pass in which we must participate. Should we choose not to participate, it does not happen in spite of it being God’s will. For example it is His will that none should be lost, yet through their unwillingness to participate, they are and continue to be.

Can small faith cripple us and keep us from the total fulfillment of the vision that great faith would have seen?

* In the patience and gentleness so characteristic of God, I believe he gives his followers great latitude to grow through many small trials. I think it is only in the failure of many times hiding our talents in the ground that we disqualify ourselves from future fulfillment of greater vision.

John
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My dream (in living color and Dolby surround sound) opens with me just resting lazily on a large rock outcropping overlooking a path winding up the side of the mountain I was on. My right hand was absently dangling over the edge of the rock shelf. I was just being lazy, basking in the sun and gazing out across the valley. Then a vicious, mean, nasty, really big female African Lion came up the path about 15 ft below me, and when it was under me leapt high into the air and latched its jaws on to my right hand. There I was on the rock shelf, hanging on for dear life face to face with a foul smelling lion (it really needed to get acquainted with a tooth brush and some mouth wash). The lion was hanging suspended in mid air by its big teeth chomping/hanging on my hand. Only by the greatest effort was I able to keep from being pulled off my rock to the valley below. The lion kept hold of my hand, shaking its head, mangling my hand more and more.

I knew the lion wasn’t going to give up on its own so I decided to fight it and pulled out a soupspoon from my pocket with my left hand. It was the only weapon I had. With this “mighty weapon” I began trying to gouge out the eyes of the lion, to no avail. It seemed that the lion was going to win. Then suddenly I had a revelation and said, “To heck with this! This is my dream and I can have any weapon I want.” So I turned the soupspoon into my favorite pistol, a 357 satin finish stainless steel Colt Python, and blew the brains right out of that nasty beast. Relieved to see the nasty creature falling away from me and to feel the struggle to pull me into destruction ended, I took a good look at my poor hand. It was too mangled to ever heal. In fact there wasn’t much of it even left.

So, undaunted I checked myself into the Luke Skywalker Jedi Knight Memorial Hospital and asked the doctors there to give me one of those bionic hands like they gave Luke. So they did and after the operation I took a look under the skin flap on my wrist at the little blinking lights and the titanium rods moving back and forth as I flexed and opened my hand. It was working perfectly. The strength of my new hand was truly amazing. I could crush a bowling ball with no more effort than crushing an egg or wadding up a piece of paper.

I went back up that mountain and this time instead of lazing about I went lion hunting, goading the lions to attack. When they leapt at me I would grab their throat with my new hand and instantly crush the life out of them. I had become a lion killing machine.

God also gave me the meaning of this dream:
The mountain is our spiritual path, climbing into a higher understanding and relationship with God.

Lazing on the rock represents anyone who is satisfied and content with their current relationship with God and is not trying to continue to draw closer to God, to understand more, to love more, to be more completely transformed by God’s most Holy Spirit.

The lion is “the bastard son of pride” always looking for someone to devour. A lazy or contented Christian makes for easy pickins, fast food for the devil.

Fighting the lion with the soupspoon is our natural tendency to fight the supernatural with our carnal natural weapons and understanding. Whenever we do that we have about as much success as fighting a lion with a soupspoon.

The revelation that it was a dream and that I could have any weapon I wanted represents repentance and realizing we are nothing without the company and help of God, and turning to His ways (big gun) and throwing away our ways (soupspoon). It was the realization that God is with us and all we need to do is to remember that, and then we have real weapons to fight real evil.

Seeing my mangled hand shows the reality that sometimes we do get hurt in this world, that not everything can be mended back to what it was before and that sometimes we must carry on bearing our injuries.

Checking in to the Jedi Hospital shows that for those who walk in union with the “Force,” which is the most Holy Spirit of God, there is access to the Divine Healer and even though He does not put us, or things, back just the way they were, He remakes us so that we’re better equipped to do His will. He gives us a stronger “hand” in order to be victorious against the enemy. He turns what was a helpless victim into a Holy Crusader.

So, seems I had quite a dream. Yet there is another point that nags me to be added to this message. That point is the difference between battling true evil as opposed to just battling symbols of evil, and also the difference between the carnal weapon of the soupspoon and the Godly weapon of the Colt Python.

I seem of late to be burdened with the question of what is fighting evil as opposed to fighting what just appears to be evil, fighting the symbols of evil. Are we faster to fight and use more energy to war against skimpy bikinis than genocide, against bowling or wearing shorts than ideologies of hatred and intolerance?

Do we find it easy to find faults within our own Christian Family?

Do we fight the “good fight” to make ourselves feel good about our own high standards, or do we fight to make the world a more loving place?

There are so many trivial things that we Christians expend vast amounts of energy trying to vanquish that we must keep the devil rolling in the isles laughing at us. Creating a tempest in a teacup is not the worst of it either. No, by creating these tempests in the teacup of our Christian Family we often do harm to the Body of Christ.

Do we put more effort into finding fault in the teachings of other Christian religions instead of trying to spread Christianity to those who do not know Christ?

Perhaps I just don’t recognize true evil, but the times I have seen what I believed was true evil, it was manifested in the breaking down of relationships within the Family of God. Evil that I recognize promotes shame, condemnation, and divisiveness. The evil that I have seen attack the Body of Christ brings tears, rather than wiping them away and gets people all stirred up but accomplishes nothing other than getting people all stirred up.

The only thing evil builds within the Body of Christ is walls between its members. The real fights are not always “out there somewhere.” No, the real fights are often close to home, in our own hearts and in our own Family. There will always be more than enough real battles right in our own “back yard” to occupy our time and efforts while we’re on this earth. Let us stick together to fight as a Family and win as a Family.

Some Families are on the front lines where great evil dwells, like fighting against radical Islam for example. Strengthening our local Christian Familes enables us to give support to these front line Families. God does not expect us all to move to Indonesia or Iran. No, God expects us to be healthy and strong enough as a Family to help those who are already on the front line. We must be united and healthy in order to fulfill our Family mission.

Perhaps another way to look at the question of what is real evil is to ask what is the most powerful weapon against evil? Here I believe it is not being “Against” anything so much as it is being “For” building up the Body of Christ. I believe if you want to make real progress in fighting evil, then you must work to build the Body of Christ! And how better to build up the body of Christ than working within your own Family to bring Peace into discord, to bring Healing to those who are hurting, and to wipe away shame or guilt from hearts where it has been placed by the evil one, and to bring understanding into confusion.

I believe the most powerful Godly weapons against evil are Love, Compassion, Acceptance, and Understanding. Unfortunately, the most often used weapon by us Christians is being against something, the least effective weapon of all.

We are all broken. We are all lonely. We are all in need of healing, understanding, and love. We all need to feel that we’ve found a loving Family in this world where we can be supported and accepted. Let us all be that Family for one another.

John

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Here’s your answers to the the question we posed in Coffee Stains. There is a second question (“For ladies over thirty, what advice would you give to young women who’ve just married or are still single.” Some of the things are obvious but in your experience in life, in the Lord, what would you tell a younger woman?” ) about halfway down.
“How do you keep up with the hustle and bustle of church functions, family, jobs and house work and still make personal time for God?”

One day I told a friend that I had gotten nothing done that day, and she gently corrected me by saying, “Yes you did! You were a mom to your kids!”

As I get older (I turn 40 this year) I am realizing that my purpose in life is to glorify God by living for Him, and being the best wife and mom that I can possibly be. If I have time for anything else, great! Being involved in church and school is important, but not if they take away from my time with God, my husband, or my kids.

I also think that young moms need to extend grace to themselves as well. You might not have an hour to sit down and spend with God, but He understands your life. Snatch 5-10 minutes with Him. Pray as you do laundry, wash dishes, exercise, or even clean toilets. Worship Him as you drive your kids to school by turning on praise music in the car.

Martha

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First: give yourself permission to leave some things undone or delegate things. Dishes can wait; a unmopped kitchen can go another day. Explain to your husband and children that you need to assign age appropriate chores to them so you can have time with the Lord.

Second: Realize that without personal time with the Lord, nothing else will be productive. Time spent with Him will help get all the other things done with a better attitude and performance.

Third: Get up a few minutes earlier. 15 or 20 minutes will not make a lot of difference in the whole scheme of things………but, it will make a world of difference when used to have a conversation with the Lord and read His Word. This is the way I started making time for my devotions, and it worked. It’s not the length of time, but the quality of time that counts. It can be considered a sacrifice of time. Use a child’s nap time; a time in the car when you are alone; ask a friend to share time with you so you can have time for prayer….then take her place while she prays.

Remember, there is a way when our hearts are hungry…….It is never a good thing for a mother to loose her close relationship with our Lord. She suffers; her children suffer; her husbands suffers, and her church suffers.

Pray about time to pray and God will provide!!!!!!!!!!!

Judith

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I always put GOD FIRST and everything else just comes naturally. GOD RULES!!!!!!

Debbie

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How do I make personal time with God? I could only do all those others things because I spend time with God. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I cannot afford to not have my personal time with God because He is the reason why I am able to accomplish all that I do each day.

Sue

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Just turned 40 with two active kids and an answer for keeping a close and personal relationship with the Lord despite all the hustle and bustle of life. It is easy and simple - Just make time first. The Lord said he wanted to be first in all we do and if we make that time the first thing we do in the mornings, it can never be pushed aside or replaced by something else. My husband and I wake up early before the kids and enjoy our time with the Lord before the race of the day sets in. It is amazing how much smoother our day goes - you might even find some time later to spend more time with Him. I have always used this example to my Sunday School class: If you don’t give the Lord his time, you are virtually running on a treadmill and never going anywhere but when you give Him the time we need and He desires you can run all day and go so many places and get so much more done because he gives us the productive steps that we need.

Kristin

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God comes first, spouses second and children third in that order. So if we put God first , we must obey his commandments by serving him and being about his business. We can get bogged down trying to do to much with the church, I don’t mean attending to services, so we have to leave out some things but we need to always make time for God because he helps us with our everyday activities if we put him first.

Georgia

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The definition of Life for me is busy and blessed. I have to have a planner and a big wall calendar with three children, 18, 15 & 7, a husband, full time job, part time home based business, Church, Coordinator of Missionettes, Husband / Head Commander of Royal Rangers, choir and of course extended family functions ect….I have found that if it is written down and I don’t overbook myself I can get alot done maybe not everything but what is not done today can be bumped into future dates. At times I do get overwhelmed and feel like crying and want to give it all up or at least most of it. I’ll keep my family everything else can go. I have found myself asking God to help me with my scheduling and things fall into place. Being that I am so busy, up to 15 hr. days, I have to schedule my quiet time. For me, it is 9 pm - 10 pm. This is my evening routine for just me, getting ready for bed etc…and Bible reading time. I am not much on getting up any earlier than I have to, even though many people choose to get up earlier for their time. I don’t feel there is a one size fits all, because that is unrealistic. Remember prayer and receiving God’s peace in your everyday life. He is the only reality that you can cling to. Everyday will come and go and with the blessings of God, you have another day to begin fresh. It’s like God keeps giving you another chance to try one more time. I think upon my life this way, because I don’t want to miss something that God has for me because I was not able to hear his voice due to the buzzing of my schedule. It can become very loud. With this I will close, Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6,7. ( I had another verse I wanted to use, but God showed me this one instead)

Kerrie

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How did I make personal time for God?

When my oldest son was 13 we moved. His reaction to the change was not good and became very angry and withdrawn. Nothing my husband or I did seemed to make a difference. I bought a One Year Bible and began to search God’s Word for answers. Up to this point, my personal time was hit and miss, or studying for a Sunday School lesson. But with the possibility of losing my son, I got serious about seeking out God’s answers. That was 12 years ago and the One Year Bible is still my lifeline to the presence and knowledge of God. I love it because when the Old Testament gets unbearable boring, the New Testament makes Christ come alive. And the daily dose of Psalms and Proverbs touches my soul and spirit. This year I have begun to journal daily on my computer along with my Bible reading time. I began Jan. 1 and on Jan. 3 my mom was put into a nursing home for Alzheimer’s patients. Being able to record the process of my heart and thoughts, filtered through God’s Word, has helped me grow in hope and faith through this difficult

journey.

Becky

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Your relationship with Jesus must be a priority in your life even before children, errands, daily routines. God will have no other god’s before Him. Those other gods can be things like children, husbands or anything else that takes a priority in our lives but they can not come before our relationship with Jesus Christ. You will find that if you make that relationship first your time for all the others will be blessed and multiplied. This is a principle well established in scripture and is timeless, established well before the age of cell phones and soccer practice.

Steven

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I am not a woman and would hate to have to fill my wife’s shoes, but I thought I might give a response. I have 4 teenage children, a job that I average 60 hrs a week on, rent houses, and cattle so my life is full. I am also actively involved in church (praise & worship). As a family we all try to work together to help out in keeping things going and done. This can help everyone be more frugal with time. In my own efforts I try doing what the scripture says “pray without ceasing”. Naturally I cannot stay in my prayer closet all day or sometimes even set aside a certain time slot, but what I can do is try to stay in an attitude of prayer, to keep an open communication with God. I try to use every spare quiet moment I can to listen or talk to God. God Is constantly speaking we just have to listen.

GUY

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My response to the young lady is that when we give God first place, and have our devotions and praise and worship first, then God stretches our time. He can create efficiency so that you get more done in less time, even without you realizing it. There is a scripture that says, “Reverence for God adds hours to each day” (TLB). I have found it to be true, and have heard testimonies of others who have said the same. God has established the order of our lives and that is the only way He will bless it. First your personal relationship with God, then your spouse, next your children, and after that church activities and job. Mixing up this order creates chaos in our lives.

Keila

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I take half an hour to forty-five minutes exclusive “God time” right before bed.I’m not a morning person, so this works better for me. I take time; time will never just be there. I use the “power nap” method throughout the day. Studies have shown that a 15-minute nap is enough to revitalize a person. I take “power” breaks with God. In the morning, I set my alarm 10 minutes early and pray before I get out of bed-yes, sometimes I doze off instead. I use some of my drive time for intercessory prayer, a break at work is enough time to read scripture, a walk down the hall is enough time to thank the Lord for quite a few things. The treadmill is another good place to meditate on Him.
I try to work efficiently and simplify. I do a menu each week and make sure I have everything I need to prepare them. I pick out seven outfits, shoes, jewelry and all so I don’t have to think about those things every day. I shop once a week, clean when I see something dirty, do a load of laundry every day. I store everything I need for each project together in the room I will be using them. I make a lot of lists. I get rid of everything I haven’t used in two years because maintaining stuff I don’t use takes time and energy. I do everything I can to free my mind to focus on the Lord and on the the people around me.
I try to be intentional in the things I allow into my schedule. I try to determine whether my involvement will help me develop relationships that will open hearts to Christ, then pray before I commit. I say “no” to many worthy invitations. I try not to extend my self beyond the grace I have, always praying for more grace. –

Maureen

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When I was younger I was not much of a morning person but thru the years I have found that if I get up 30 -40 minutes before everyone else it helps. Just to spend time in his presence and in his word gives me a better attitude than when I don’t. In addition to that I have found that maybe just maybe all the things I do at home, work and especially at church might not be what God wants for me. I think we can be caught up in the busyness of all of it especially at church thinking we are doing what our Saviour wants (and everyone else telling us we need to be involved) but just maybe he wants us to spend time with him more than anything. At HIS feet and no one’s elses. We get so caught up with what everyone else expects from us but maybe God has a different idea. Just maybe.

Cathy

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For me it is fairly simple, I determine what time I need to start my morning to get dressed and out the door. Then it just becomes a matter of my desire to come into His presence and discipline to set the alarm clock earlier to allow that time for Him. I don’t beat myself up if one morning for some reason I hit the snooze once too many times and don’t wake up early, but then make time usually during my lunch hour to give to Him. Of course like anyone else, I have to be on my guard not to let those “reasons” for sleeping in become the norm rather than the exception….that ‘ole flesh is lazy sometimes.

And really the greatest challenge is disciplining myself to go to bed early enough to get a good nights sleep. Sometimes there is a tendency to stay up with the kids until about 10 then after getting them to bed, to talk to my wife that I haven’t seen all day until about 11 - 11:30.

That makes 5:30 seem real early at times.

Bruce

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God has been working on my heart with that question this week. I work full time in the auto industry and I also am involved in 5 ministries in the church. The Lord has shown me that even though I am working for him I am not spending time with him and that I must balance my life and make time with him first. The other things fall into place after making him first….work in progress

Andrea

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It is really quite simple. You start each day by feeding your spirit first, before you feed your body. Spending time with the Lord, in prayer and meditation is the way I start each day. I get up at least a half hour, sometimes an hour before my husband each day, do my morning prayers and have my coffee with the Lord every morning. The stillness of the house before sunrise, is so peaceful for prayer and meditation, and it starts the day off right…May the Lord bless you all and keep you safe.

Donna

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It helps me if I do it at a regular time each day, whether early in the morning or late at night. After many months of regularity it becomes a part of you (a

habit) and you just “do it”, and I look forward to it. It’s not only a discipline, it’s a life-style.

Tom

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In order to keep the household together and keep my job and family going, I put God first. When I first get up in the morning, after the yawning and the stretching, I reach for the Word of God, and I take time to sit and read the Word. After reading, I go about my daily routine, however, on my way to work, that is my time to talk to God, and for him to talk to me. He rides beside me on the seat, and we communicate . Anytime I am in the car, I am conscience of Him. He went with me through an accident, and proved His love to me, by being there as I cried out to him. God is so good… don’t think I could make it without spending the first thing in the morning, letting the Word of God go down deep in my soul. I had a friend who wrote the Word on cards and put it in her car, and in her house on the mirrors, that way it was always there to meditate on.

Dixie

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As an “older adult” how do I find time for God among all the other Christian/Life functions? Maturity in who I am in Christ enables me to sort out what GOD WANTS me to do verses what MAN WANTS me to do and what I WANT to do. It gives me the courage to say no and the discipline to take time away/alone with God.

Young people think they have to do it all or they’re missing out on something. Eventually we figure out that as we run around trying to fit it all in, we are missing out on the best things.

Jill

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Much like a corporate executive, my wife Trisha has a “Planner” from American Express she uses to map out her tasks.

She started using this years ago, when I first received one for free for being a long time member. As I write this email, the Planner is open on her desk in the kitchen with comments for every day.

Dry cleaning, basketball practice, youth group, etc.

Phone numbers and comments I don’t even understand are scribbled on each day of the week.

She never travels with the planner that I know of, but she does reference it daily…….

Dutch

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I keep a record of what is “to do” and record what is done and I keep up with it daily….I am a Missionette Sponsor and Women’s Ministry Sec/Treasurer and I also have alot to do with my family….God is always the first thing in the morning with all the prayer requests and thanking Him for the things I have been so graciously given….and prayers for the day of protection for my hubby and those with him in Iraq and for my family’s safety during the day…..and God is the last thing at night before I go to sleep as I give him the night….
I am well over 30

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I get asked this ALL the time, moreso probably because I’m a single mom.

“Therein lies the grace of God” I suppose LOL I guess it comes from the knowledge that, without God, there’s no way I’d be able to get out of bed some days.

Yet he’s always there, giving me something beautiful to focus on…..even the days I’m too stressed to notice it right away.

My personal time with Daddy comes whenever I finally get quiet, be it when the boys are at school, or driving somewhere, or staying up late to unwind after the boys go to bed, and of course when I need Him….any time of day really.

Afterall, Scripture says that we should pray continually…..that’s what my relationship with the King is all about.

Rosalie

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Here’s the question we posed in Coffee Stains a few weeks ago. Your responses were excellent. Singles might want to start at the bottom and work your way up because the last several responses are particularly for them.

“For ladies over thirty, what advice would you give to young women who’ve just married or are still single.” Some of the things are obvious but in your experience in life, in the Lord, what would you tell a younger woman?”

Pray & if you are married, respect & love your husband. If you are single stay close to God & keep praying for a soul mate who loves God & believes as you do.
Bonnie

Married: Be patient, work on your marriage on purpose.
Single: Be patient, let Jesus be your best friend.
I would tell anyone over 30 who is not married to pray & have faith that their prayers will be answered-that Godhas the right person for her. I married at 52.
Sarah
In a previous email, you had asked “older” wives if they had advice for newly married women. I am 39 - my husband and I have been married for 17 years. I think the most important thing that I have learned is to remember what he does right, and try to forget the little things that he does that frustrate me. For example, when I see his dishes in the sink, I can get irritated because the dishwasher is 18 inches away, and why can’t he just put them in there? It may sound like a little thing, but it can build a foundation of resentment if I start to find all of the little things to criticize. Or I can remember that, while he’s not so consistent about putting his dishes in the dishwasher, he is wonderful about playing tag with our kids, calling me just to tell me he loves me, preferring to be home with us instead of out with the guys, etc. So is he perfect? Absolutely not, but then again, neither am I. If I can focus on the things he does right, instead of what he does wrong, it makes our home a happier place.

Martha
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I am over thirty.. wow.. when did that happen?, My advice to the younger women who have never been married, and to those who one day will be married is, ‘Take a look at both of the parents and their personalities and how they look and how they act. All of that is what your mate will one day turn into. If there is something there that you cannot live with, then by all means, don’t get married to them.’

Also, when you find that one person, make that person your best friend. Don’t let anyone come between you and Him, because that will be the downfall of your relationship . That includes, family, girlfriends, other male friends, anyone. And don’t let anyone talk bad about your husband, and don’t talk bad about Him to anyone.

I remember when we first pastored a church, and at one of the ladies meetings, one of the ‘dear saints’ decided to criticize my husband because she didn’t like his point of view on the sermon. I could not believe that she had the boldness to say anything to start with, but that really made me upset and I told her to pray for her pastor instead of beating him down with her words. If you learn to keep your opinions between you and God, you are much better off. However, I want to add this, if this person is physically or mentally abusing you, don’t take it and get help. God does not expect you to live in that condition.

And the number ONE thing that is so important, is to know in your heart that this person is the one that God has chosen for you and that you can live for God with that person. I am so thankful God gave me the husband that I have, we have been married 38 years, and been through a lot of things, but God has brought us closer together and through them all, because we both relied on God.

Love is loving someone so much, that you would take their place in any situation because you don’t want them going through it.

Dixie
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My best advice I always give to young couples when we are counseling them is you NEED to learn how to communicate with one another. If you have nothing to hide and learn to talk to one another you will NEVER have a failed marriage. My husband and I practice this in our own marriage constantly. It isn’t always easy, but it is the only way to have an open, honest and lasting marriage. We will be celebrating our 28th Anniversary the 17th of February. In His Service!
Susan

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My advice is to love yourself as the Lord loves you. Keep the marriage as three not two or one. (God, Husband, Wife) It takes three to face each day, because each day is different in creation. Keep your joy, don’t loose it, for the Joy of the Lord is your strength. When you become weary and not sure where to turn, remember to leave your burdens at the foot of the cross. Also, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. These steps are simple in statement but take commitment. I have not always followed through, but no one is perfect. I do know that when I do I can hear the music of my life not all the sour notes. Smile and enjoy your song.

Kerrie

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As a woman about to turn 40, and I qualify for that over 30 part…..My best advice for the younger women about to get married or single looking for a mate is simple. Pray for your man. I use Stormie Ormartian’s book myself called ” The power of a praying wife”. In every situation, every day. Lift him and his circumstances up to the Lord. Be sure he is a Godly man. Don’t settle for second best. God doesn’t want you to. If the right one hasn’t come along, wait…..just wait, and if it is God’s will, in His timing he will come along.

Above anything else you do in your relationship, make certain that you can talk, really communicate to one another. Communicate about everything. That is the one tool that we women have given to us naturally, the ability to talk. But be just as interested in listening as talking. You will learn your husband that way. His fears, his interests, his concerns. Support your husband. Don’t be afraid to praise him for getting up and going to work to provide for you and your household. God made him the leader of your home, it is his rightful spot. I tell my husband who travels over 20 weeks a year away from me and the kids that I appreciate all that he does for me and these kids. That I know it is hard for him to be away and stay in hotel after hotel. That I know he makes sacrifices for us so that we can be taken care of. Worship together. If at all possible, and I know there are a lot of men out there that will not go to church, but women of God, there are some that do. Find a man that is not ashamed of the Lord and will go to church with you. If you go into your relationship with the attitude, what can I give to this, not what can I get out of it, and he does the same, then you have a relationship that represents what Christ came to die for.

TRC

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…39 and married for nearly 18 years, I can tell you I have no secrets and it hasn’t been –nor is it always–easy. Tides ebb and flow, passion and complicity as well depending on the phase of life in which we find ourselves. The key is to stay in the same boat and row in the same direction–and to avoid A) pitching seawater on each other during the storms and B) beating each other over the head with the oars!!!!!
I do have to say that I don’t agree with one comment made, that being something to the effect of ‘look at the parents because someday the person you marry will turn into a mix of them and if there’s something you can’t live with, then by all means don’t marry’.
As the child of thrice-divorced and alcoholic parents with a lot of anger and issues to this day … God, and a loving partner, can help us overcome our past hurts and become all that He intended for us at birth, even if it’s not always fast or easy…..

Tracey

I once heard the best advice from an evangelist that came to a church I had been attending:

If you do what you did to get married, you’ll stay married. Then he proceeded to ask the men- did you bring her flowers, open doors for her, hold her hand, what kind of things did you do that she thought you were such a special guy? Then he asked the ladies the same kind of questions- did you dress nicely so he would notice or fix your hair just so, did you cook a really nice meal to share with him. Then he asked if the couples still dated.

This is something I took to heart. My husband & I have been married for 30 years, he still asks me to go on a movie date (almost weekly) or sometimes he will ask me out for breakfast or dinner. It is good advice that I have passed on to many.

KM

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To the ones who are still single—don’t settle for anyone other than God’s best. There are worse things than being single, such as being married to the wrong one. God has a perfect plan for your life and if you marry the wrong one, that plan cannot be fulfilled. Our eldest son was almost 25 when he married. Had he married one of the others he dated before her, I shudder to think what it might have been like. He dated some nice, lovely girls, but they were not God’s choice. By waiting God sent him an angel. She is a wonderful wife and mother and daughter-in-law. She has been a tremendous help in his life and ministry. God has the perfect one for you! Don’t get in a hurry.

To the young married–Meet his needs and God will meet yours. If you are submissive and keep a right spirit—if he doesn’t treat you right then the Holy Spirit can deal with him. If you try to take care of it yourself–

you just tied the hands of the Holy Spirit. My grandmother told us when we were young married, she and grandpa never went to sleep mad at each other and advised us to adhere to that in our marriage. It works.

Did I ever go to bed mad? Yes. The results made me know she was right.

You should always communicate with each other - non communication or miscommunication causes lots of problems. When the discussion gets going - say ‘this is what I heard you say, is this what you meant?’ This gives opportunity for miscommunication to be straightened out, before feelings are hurt or angry words are spoken, because many times what we hear is not what is meant.

What ever is trying to come against you, pray the hedge of thorns around your marriage (from Hosea 2). It works for all things not just another person.

(I have made enough mistakes, I think I could write a book, but God is faithful and the Holy Spirit will guide us, if we let Him.)

Jearldean

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The advice that I would give to those who are married or planning on getting married for a long married life. My husband and I have been married 50 years this past Oct. Some things I did to make the marriage work and some I wish I had learned earlier.

1. Have God first in your life and pray for wisdom for the right one he

has for you, don’t get ahead of him.Go to church together, pray together and read the bible together.

2. Be friends and get to know each others likes and dislikes. Spend time together, notice how you treat each other, by letting you make some decisions. Watch and see if you are treats with respect and dignity. Stay away from sexual contact before marriage, that way the marriage bed will have happier meaning to you and you will never have regrets for not waiting.

3. There is no way to win an argument by both parties thinking the are right, so the best thing to do is just back off and pray about it, don’t feel like you are giving in by letting him have the last word, because you are the stronger one by letting it pass. Just pray that God will keep you sweet in all problems that arise. I heard that the one who upsets us the most and makes life miserable for us, is the one who controls us, so do we want that person controlling you?

4. Start out by taking up for yourself, demanding to be treated like a loved one instead of a slave, your companion married you for better or worse and should not think that he bought you like a piece of property and owns you as a slave to do all the thinks around the house and take care of the kids when they come along by yourself. The children need both parents to teach them and guide them. You should have some money in your name in the bank so you can make some decisions on how to spend that money, and to have in case of emergency.

5. Talk and make decisions together about everything. Treat the other one like they are the most important thing in your life except God.

.6 God is number one, spouse is number two, children are number three, and if you keep it that way you will have a happy marriage

7. All couples should have counseling from a minister so they will know what is to expected of a husband and a wife and what their rolr in the marriage is.

8. One thing my Dad told me is if I make my bed, I have to lie in it and no even think of running back home every time we have a spat. I knew he meant it.

Georgia

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I think the one item of advice I would give is to remember that once you become married that every decision you make not only affects yourself but your mate and children as well. Take your time and pray about all decisions before acting.

Kim

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There are so many things a young woman should know, but you asked for the most important. I’ve learned that reading the Word of God the first thing in the morning is an incredible vitamin for my soul, mind, and body. There are love stories, murder mysteries, adventure stories, war stories, sad stories, happy stories….never a dull moment stories………..and much, much instruction to help us learn to live each day to the fullest. It teaches us our place and our worth in the Kingdom of God. And it is truly a love letter from our Lord!!!!!!!!!

Judith

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When I first got married I thought that everything would flow along wonderfully with minor difficulty because I married a wonderful, sensitive and loving man of God. I discovered that even in the best of relationships major challenges can come to marriage life that can be overcome with trust in the Lord, patience with our spouse, and choosing to exalt the good in him even when we see things we want to change.

God ultimately has to do the changing in all of us. There’s been satanic attacks against our marriage that told us to give up, but Oh how great God is and His mercy is new every morning. After coming through some disheartening times in marriage, it’s amazing how the God of the universe can take a situation meant to destroy and cause it to work out for good on your behalf and your covenant relationship, when you choose to forgive, love and embrace with the strength that God will pour into you. God wants us to be beautiful inside and love deeply like He does. We all wish our lives were perfect but instead we have to learn to walk in humility with one another in every situation we face and then see how God’s love can bless our marriage.

Rebekah

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ADVICE TO YOUNG MARRIED LADIES: ALWAYS PUT GOD FIRST, YOUR HUSBAND NEXT. YOU MUST HAVE A RELATIONSHIP BUILT ON LOVE, TRUST, AND COMMUNICATION. DON’T FOCUS ALL OF YOUR EFFORTS ON YOUR CHILDREN BECAUSE MORE THAN LIKELY THEY ARE GOING TO LEAVE YOU ONE DAY & THEN WHAT IS YOUR MARRIAGE BUILT UPON? LET YOUR HUSBAND BE THE HEAD OF THE HOUSE AS GOD ORDAINED & MOST OF ALL PRAY FOR HIM THAT GOD WOULD GIVE HIM WISDOM AND GUIDANCE IN LEADING THE HOUSE.

JUDY

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Well I would have to say that as far as my life and my experiences I would like to say to all the younger ladies married or single to always keep God first in your life. Find your worth in what the Lord says about who you are and not in what man says that your are. If your are not married, please keep yourself pure do not have sex outside of marriage because if you do then your relationship is doomed to fail from the beginning. You see, once you have given the Devil a foot hold he will destroy your relationship. The word of God teaches us to be pure because he is pure and not to be in fornication to save ourselves for the marriage bed. Ladies that are married, be true to your husbands. Love them, take care of them, and always pray for them. The word of God also teaches us to submit to our husbands since he is the head of the house. Most importantly, always trust in the Lord with all of your heart and always keep him first. Seek Him and trust that He is in control of all things and that His perfect will will be done. God’s word will not return back void you can trust that God will keep His promises. Just Believe!!

Patricia

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I just read this, and thought okay, I’m over 30…alright in a couple years I’ll be 6o. ( when that happened I’ll never know…wasn’t I just 35 last week?!)

I have been married to the same man for almost 39 yrs, and we are more in love and closer now than in the beginning. Did we ever have problems? Yes, absolutely.

We came from two different, unsaved, backgrounds and both came with hurts and emotional baggage. The common denominator? (besides our 7 children). We both loved the Lord with all our hearts, and we both totally believed that God had brought us together, therefore, when problems arose, we knew there was no turning back, or looking around for something better, for we had God’s best for us in each other right there, so we had to learn to work things out. Make going to church a priority. God will work out the dross in each of us and we must be supportive of each other through it. Learning to live together and grow together takes time. Be patient with yourself and your spouse.

What have we learned?

1. Always have time with God, alone and together. Pray about everything alone, and together!

2. Communicate with each other…Talk things out. Share joys and sorrows and concerns. Plan together. Dream together.

3. Share household chores willingly to lighten each others load… ( make it fun, find humor in everything.)

4. In other words…always seek to help the other out…putting their happiness above your own.

5. Never go to bed angry…Always be willing to say ‘I am sorry, Please forgive me.’ (and you forgive them, too)

6. If the problem is the other person, still say ‘I’m sorry that you are hurt’. Let’s talk about this.

7. Give lots of hugs, praise, affirmation and ‘I love you’s’ to each other, to your kids and grandkids, too.

8. Never side with the kids against your spouse. You must maintain a loving, united front so the kids see you strong, loving them and consistently standing together on major issues. If you disagree, do so away from the children. It gives the kids a sense of stability and security in their home.

9. Go to church together, tithe, set an example for the children of what is important in your life. They’ll adopt the same values.

10. Be best friends. Be proud of and enjoy each other. Read the Bible together, Pray, play, laugh, go on dates, have fun, rest, share, and always put God first.

11. Give each other space for ‘alone time’. Everyone needs that at one time or another. Keep life balanced … keep in mind that your relationship with Jesus must come first.

12. Seek Him in everything, and you’ll lack nothing that you truly need.

Linda

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I am Monika, 46 years old, and my advice for the younger women is to develop their own personal relationships with the Lord through daily personal interaction with the Bible, Christians, Christian magazines, church family, and the baptism in the Holy Spirit with the evidence in speaking in other tongues. Believe that Jesus Christ is personally interested in you as a woman in any stage of womanhood. Believe when He says something to you that He is always right, knows best and waits patiently for you to learn just that. Identify yourself in Him. Childhood, teenager, single young woman, married woman, divorced woman, motherhood( in all the stages from baby to adult), body changes ( period to menopause)to just name a few come and go but the love of the Lord Jesus Christ stays forever.

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I have been married 21+ years (my second marriage) and I can say in one word what a marriage MUST have to survive and that word is “AGREEMENT.”

It is possible to live in total agreement at all times … Even if you agree to disagree. Without agreement the enemy has a crack to invade the borders of that marriage. Strife, hateful words, and bitterness will march in and destroy the marriage. After all these years I am desperately in love with my husband and I thank God for him everyday (even if I disagree with him)!!!

Diana

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We’ve been married 33 years. It took me a long time to learn this most important lesson, once I got it and practiced it consistently it made all the difference in my husband and greatly improved our relationship.

Wives respect your husbands. Let him be the head of the household. Let him lead the way. There will be times when he’ll make mistakes and lead you down a path you know is wrong but if you follow him, (without I told you so’s) he will take his position of responsibility more seriously and respect you for standing by him. I’m not saying to be a doormat and not speak up. If he knows you respect his decision, he will respect your input as well.

Jill

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“Don’t Compromise. Don’t compromise your morals, your dreams, your “you”-ness. Even in marriage you are valid, you are unique and important to the blend and God designed you as you just as much as He designed your mate as him…. make sense?

Rita

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To women over 30 “How do you keep up with the hustle and bustle of church functions, family, jobs and house work and still make personal time for God???”

Cheryl

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To the young ladies looking for a good man, be very careful. He may look like a hunk but he may be in wolves clothing and when he gets in trouble, you go with him. So make sure that he is a Christian and a good man. At the first sign of anything else run…to the nearest door and say good bye. I know because I fell for a man that I saw on his knees in church and a year later I found out he was on drugs, selling them and I was pulled down with him. I spent 3 years in a women’s prison for something I didn’t do.

Ladies, take your time and know everything you can about him. Never forget to let the Lord have His way about him in your life. The little doubt you may have could grow into something you’re not ready to handle. Fall in love with Jesus first and the rest will come to His good and yours. Be blessed and choose wisely.

Joy

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To the younger women from an older one, keep yourself pure for your husband. Remember you are a gift and it is only a pure one if you keep it that way for him. God Bless you and remember He is always with you.

DiAnne Young

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I’m currently not over 30 but close so I figured that I would go ahead and respond.

The advice that I would give a young lady who is single would be that God has the one picked out for you and sometimes you might be surprised about who it is and how perfect His choice is.

The advice that I would give a young lady who is just recently married is never go canoeing or put up a tent with your new spouse within the first month of marriage unless you really want to work on communication the hard way. A year later the experience goes much better.

Jennifer

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The best advice that I know to give a Young Woman (or any other person) can be summed up as follows: “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.”

I know that I have not always been as faithful to that advice as I should have been, but I know it is good advice.

While (the young woman) loves her husband, family, friends, etc. she needs to keep her love for the Lord and her trust in Him at the forefront of her mind and heart at all times and these other people and problems will be much easier to handle.

Mary

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I am not over 30 as requested, but I am 27 with 2 children, one of which has a serious medical condition (epilepsy), and I feel that through my experiences, I have learned a lot. I am sending this comment in the event that you may choose to use it.

When my oldest daughter was born, I was 21. We were newly married and very excited. We thought, like most young couples, that we had the world at our fingertips. I was a Christian but my husband was not, but he supported anything I wanted. When our little Alexia was only a month old, she was diagnosed with sleep apnea. This was difficult but we made it through TOGETHER. We had our ups and downs but we were ok, and our love was strong…Then came the second pregnancy, which we almost lost; and in the end, my husband almost lost me and our precious Nikki.

But I had prayed on the way to the operating room for my emergency cesarean.

Two weeks later, Alexia, who was 2 at the time started having these strange jerks. They became rather frequent so we took her to the Dr. to figure out what was wrong. After several doctors, tests, children’s hospital, and more tests, it was confirmed. Our beautiful, lively, intelligent 2-year old had epilepsy. Add to that the new baby and the fact that I was in college, and you have a recipe for stress.

Now during this time, I had backslidden. Talk about a wake up call! Our daughter needed us, and we couldn’t help her. All we could do was pray, and that was the best thing for her anyway. I prayed and prayed and prayed. Soon the seizures came under control with medications, and with an adjustment here and there, our daughter who is now 6 lives a pretty normal life. Our other daughter, Nikki, is pretty much a healthy 4 year old.

I tell this story for a reason…My life over the past 6 years has been very difficult. I have probably seen more tests than most people have in a lifetime, and most of them were done on my children. Alexia takes speech, occupational therapy, special ed and is about to start counseling to work on her self esteem. At age 6, it is very low. The thing is, this is too much for the average person to deal with…but when it got bad (I think the hardest was when we got the actual diagnosis) I remembered what I was told by a dear friend: “God won’t put any more on your shoulders than you and HIM can handle together.” I know had it not been for my precious Lord, I might not have been able to deal with the stresses and complications of our daughter’s disability.

Young people should really think. Though I have a great marriage and a wonderful husband who I couldn’t possibly fathom divorcing, I admit that it would have been easier had he been a Christian. There is a reason the Bible says to not be “unequally yoked”, and I get it now, but maybe the young people can “get it” before it’s too late and they fall in love with a non-Christian.

Another thing, make sure its what you really want, because though you think you may have problems now, when you have a family, you will find what REAL problems are, ADULT problems…problems like mine. Marriage isn’t to be taken lightly, so really and truly think before you take that step.

Most importantly, before marriage or any other big step, for that matter, I can’t stress enough the need to PRAY PRAY PRAY. Make sure you are in God’s will, and know that He will never let you down. Even when it feels like the world is caving in around you and you can hardly breathe, remember GOD is holding the oxygen tank saying “take a breath, it’ll be ok, I’m here”. This is how I get through each and every difficult moment…I also have a Christian instructor at the college where I am working on my second degree and she is my mentor. You can try to live your life without God, but you will never be happy. With God, you get that solid peace, that comfort of knowing that He is walking with you, and carrying you when you can walk no further.

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I have been married for more than 18 years, and I am 42 years old.

I work at a crisis pregnancy center as a volunteer and the message I give every woman, any age, but specially younger women is:

“You are born with divine needs, only God can meet. Men cannot!! Find God first, have an intimate relationship with God, and then, and only then, you will be ready to have an intimate relationship with men.”

Beatriz

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My advice to newly married women would be to remember to treat your husband as your best friend. If you were to constantly criticize your best friend, you wouldn’t be best friends anymore. So don’t expect to be constantly critical of your husband and maintain a good relationship with him. Always be courteous too. Don’t become so familiar that you no longer feel the need to be polite. Start each morning with prayer together that God will bring you closer as a couple, and help you serve Him together in everything you do that day.

My advice to single women is to spend your time focusing on making yourself the best servant of God you can possibly be, and be content in being alone serving Him. When I reached that point in my life after being single for many years, I met my future husband three months later…

Maria

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“…if I could give any advice to young wives that I have learned after 12 years of marriage to a wonderful Christian man for whom I prayed for years to meet, (God DOES answer prayers if we don’t get in a hurry), it would be to submit to your husband’s leadership in love as we are commanded. He in turn will love you sacrificially as he is commanded. If both are doing what God commands life is easier, happier, and more harmonious for both.” Kathy

Singles

For someone still single, I’m at 54 but I believe God’s time is best, don’t settle for anyone but the ONLY one man that you will enjoy the rest of your time on earth. Pray for God knows your hearts desire. I had chances to marry but in my heart didn’t have peace about him.

Becky

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A word to singles. When you have been in heaven 5 seconds it won’t matter one little bit to you then if you were married or not. There are as many married women wishing they were single again, as there are single women wishing they were married.

Learn to be content, focus on to positive sides of singleness.

Let Jesus Christ be the focus of your heart and life. In light of eternity your life will be well spent and not wasted if you do this, and you will have opportunities that a married woman can’t have for time devoted to the Lord.

….Life does get much easier after menopause. Then you will wonder why it was ever such a big issue and big deal to you that you couldn’t have sex. There is hope, so hold on.

S.

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As a single woman who is turning 30 this year I’m not sure which part to answer. I feel more inclined to let younger women know that being single through your 20’s isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I just spent the weekend with my college roommate and her husband who are the same age as I am.

However, they got married at 20 and now have 3 children and all the responsibilities that accompany that.

As my roommate and I were talking, she told me that she still struggles with what God’s purpose is for her. She realized that though she wouldn’t change what she’s gone through, it seems to her that as a single throughout my 20’s I have a better handle on who I am and what I’m doing in the Kingdom. I agree. I look back on my 20’s and realize that I’m grateful that I did not marry then because I didn’t have a clue as to who I was and I hadn’t been tested and proven. Now those experiences are an asset to me as I minister on the mission field. So I guess my advice to younger ladies is relax, take your time, get to know yourself in God’s kingdom as His partner first. Then worry and think about an earthly mate.

~ Kerri age 29

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I read your CS about ghosts and I find myself living in ghostland a lot of time and other times running from ghosts.
Let me explain, I find that the hardest thing that women struggle with is their thought life. We see beautiful (photo- shopped) women in magazines and start phantasizing about either being like that or returning to our former glory bodies. We read articles or Ophrah does a special on these outstanding women who are gorgeous, have four or more kids, still happily married, rich, successful and, oh yeah, did something really good for charity. We compare ourselves to those people and often escape to our dream world to pacify our inner ghosts.
I miss Europe so much it hurts but I only miss it in my ghost world. When I snap out of it I’m pretty happy with my house and my family. But my ghost world compels me and wants me to live in it. Here’s the problem, ghost worlds will seed discontentment and disillusionment. A lot of people, instead of dealing with decisions they’ve made or mistakes they’ve made or even just life, find themselves so far fr