All posts by David Porter

When he was in college, David Porter wanted to be a journalist. Today he is a preacher. In Coffee Stains, the preacher and journalist meet to bless everyone who likes a funny East Texas story with a spiritual kicker at the end!

Wailing In the Airport

Wailing In the Airport

I’ve heard people say, “I hate to fly!” I don’t hate to fly. I mean, how often do you get the chance to spend nine hours squeezed into a tiny space with your knees under you chin and the person in front of you lying back in your lap? (If he can get to it)

 

How often do you get to eat strange food like they serve you on airplanes? It’s mysterious and mystery is exciting, isn’t it? Flying is great. It’s airports that get on my nerves.

The other day we were coming back from preaching in France. Proud of ourselves, we were, because we had gotten to the airport in plenty of time. Except … except there was a problem with some sort of baggage machine and the waiting line to check in resembled the lines of victims waiting to go up the Eiffel Tower.

Then we all had to move away quickly because some naïve soul had left his bag unattended and the police herded everyone to safety in case the man’s underway exploded.

So, as I finally stood in line again, a kid who looked to be about two was whining in a voice that would have irritated a saint. Ai, yi, yi! When I’m hot, tired and irritated, a whiny kid sends me up the wall. If I had howled like that around my mother, I  wouldn’t be here to tell you the story.

You know what, though? I came to the conclusion that he was verbalizing what a lot of us felt as we experienced airport stress. It’s just that it’s not socially acceptable to throw tantrums, whine, etc in public when you’re over 20.

I was tempted to whine myself.

Feel Like Whining? Continue reading Wailing In the Airport

Are You a Crybaby? Should You Be?

There is a funny video on You Tube. A manipulative toddler falls to the ground crying, trying to get his mother’s sympathy. She walks out of the room.

He sees that she is no longer watching his masterpiece of drama, so he finds her and falls to the ground again, wailing his pain.

She leaves, the toddler follows and the show repeats itself. (See it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQtpRjBLXic ) Those tears make us laugh. Most often manipulative waterworks aren’t funny, though.

All Kinds of Tears

All tears aren’t bad. We cry for a lot of reasons.

We might blubber because we feel sorry for ourselves. “Poor me. What an unjust lot I have in life.”

“Get the camera mama. This ought to be on You Tube!”

Sometimes we weep because we really do hurt and tears are our heart’s overflow.

Often we weep when we lose someone dear to us. That’s normal and even healthy. Continue reading Are You a Crybaby? Should You Be?

Waking Teenagers … Waking You and Me​

Trying to get a sleeping teenager out of bed in the morning is similar to trying to wake a sleeping cave bear in the middle of his winter hibernation. One person knows how to do it though—

Mama!

If you’re a teenager there is a system. When mama’s first yell shakes the peaceful morning–“Get up kids! Time for school,”–you can stay put.  A simple “uhh!” to let her know you live should suffice, and you’ve got a few more minutes. Those are the best minutes of all the night.

The second call is a bit dicey. “I told you kids to get up!” Now you can usually snuggle down into the warmth a little longer, but you need to be careful. If she happens to be in an extra bad mood that day all bets are off. As long as you sleep with one eye slitted slightly to see her if she’s coming, you’re okay.

The third call, though … on that one you can stay in bed if you’ve got a death wish. Good luck with that you’ll need it. Continue reading Waking Teenagers … Waking You and Me​

Will Revival Come? Are We Condemned To Spiritual Medocrity?

I never cared much for coffee–until I was 38 years old. I don’t know why it took me so long to like it. I guess maturity finally struck. It still hasn’t struck my wife who says she doesn’t like the taste. I tell her, “You don’t drink coffee because it tastes good. You drink coffee because it IS good.”

Many tout the health benefits of coffee. According to Wikipedia: “The consensus in the medical community is that moderate regular coffee drinking in healthy individuals is either essentially benign or mildly beneficial.”

Famous Coffee Drinker–Garfield

Famous coffee drinkers like Garfield the cat laud its benefits. In one Garfield cartoon the fat cat begins to slurp his morning coffee. His master John asks him, “How’s the coffee?” And we see Garfield, eyes wide, wide open, a crazy smile on his face, his whiskers sticking out as he answers, “It gets the job done.”

My excuse for drinking coffee (among others) is that it helps my spiritual life. I used to find myself dozing off as I read my Bible in the morning. Now, I’m “boing, boing, boing.” (That’s the sound of someone jumping on springs, in case you wondered, not “boring, boring, boring” which is a word sometimes associated with preachers).

Is the Church Short On Coffee? Continue reading Will Revival Come? Are We Condemned To Spiritual Medocrity?

Little Old Lady With An AK-47

People who have the right of way must help those who don’t.

Have you ever noticed that some people undergo personality changes when they get behind the wheel of a car?

Imagine a sweet little old lady who receives a two-hour pass from the nursing home. She sweetly hobbles on her cane to her 1988 Plymouth, which waits patiently for her in the parking lot. She gets in and starts the motor.

“Va-roooom, varoom!” She revs the motor and squeals out of there.

Let’s follow her in our drone.

Look, there she is shaking her fist at someone in another car. What’s that on the seat beside her? An AK-47! And what’s that she yelling at the man in the other car? Ooh! I didn’t know little old ladies knew words like that.

Anytime she even thinks someone infringes on her rights she goes ballistic.

Finally after two eventful hours of close calls, screams, yells and wild gesticulations she pulls back into the parking lot of the old folk’s home, gets out and gently shuffles back inside. She leaves her AK-47 on the seat. Fortunately it was unused, though a couple of times I was worried.

A Little Help From My Friends

I’ve spent a lot of time in my car during my life and I’ve discovered that if everyone treated driving as if it were a contact sport, there would be more misery in the world. The ones who make traffic flow are the polite ones, who actually cede the right of way occasionally. Continue reading Little Old Lady With An AK-47